My Lapband Jumping on the "band" wagon

Pregnant!

2009-11-01T23:27:00.000-08:00

Well I was meant to go and get my port reflipped yet agian! Im not sure if I mentioned that but after only 2 months of being fixed I felt a sharp pain and then when it was time for my 10000000 fill the doc was unable to do it. He then sent me for an xray to find out it had flipped! I was meant to be off for another Operation on the 12 Nov only to find out recently that Im pregnant! Great news but with the port being flipped Im unable to get any fill out! We are waiting to see how I go for the next 28 weeks at least!. So far Im ok getting things down! I also have a friend who had a band and didnt need the fill taken out throughout the pregnancy! It was certainly bad timing on my husband and my behalf, and unplanned. I guess I didnt even think about what it could mean as the band is became part of my life to the point were I have even forgotten its there! My doctor is not at all concerned and if need be I can get the operation either way he would just like to wait as long as he can! So Im eating the best stuff for me and my baby at the moment and if anything I have lost some weight! My main worry is putting the weight back on! Im just going to have to make sure that whatever I eat is going to benefit both myself, my band and my baby!

2009-11-01T23:26:00.001-08:00

Lapband concerns

2009-08-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

The past 2 months or more I have stayed the same weight and today i got weighed and had put on a kg. I have been home with a torn ligament which in the past few weeks has healed enough for me to start fast walking again, ( I did try a month back but the pain came back after the walk. I have been in need of a fill. Currently i feel as though I can eat a fair bit. ive gone from vomiting to waking up one day and feeling fine and being able to eat more then usual. I get tighter near my period so i thought i would just ride it out as my doctor and I agreed to do (hence the vomiting)

i went in for a much needed fill today and my Doctor could not find the port so I have to go in On Monday to get it done under xray! (i find this really frustrating) but just hope that it has not flipped again. My docotr said that he put extra stiches in so its highly unlikely, but its got me pretty worried because the thought of doing this again makes me cringe!

I will keep you posted

Beena

home from Hospital

2009-06-26T00:30:00.000-07:00

I'm am home from the hospital and it turned out that the port and the tubing were floating around and were not even attached to anything so its all fixed. My gallbladder was inflamed and my bowels had shifted. I have the little buggers in a jar (the gallstones) and can not believe that they caused this much pain. Im not able to have a fill for 6 weeks which sucks! So Ive gotta try to keep my weight down. Overall I'm feeling OK I have anti inflammatory, painkillers and antibiotics to take so I'm hoping it will get me through! I'm going to try have a sleep now just thought i would post.
Beena

The day before the Port operation

2009-06-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

Well Im not looking forwards to tomorrow let me tell you. The port has flipped and the gallbladder needs to come out and Im hoping that this pain will never ever come back! and that I have a full healthy recovery within a week. i hve been told that this op is worse then th band and the band was so painful for me I cant imagine what i will be feeling this tie tomorrow and really dont wanna!. I just want the weight loss to begin again with the band but its been hard without another fill to try to maintain my weight! Im trying to stay around 95kg the lightest Ive been was 93kg and I felt really great and now with the extra few kgs I just feel yucky! Im in a size 16 these days and Its a nice feeling. I nearly got a 14 skirt but opted for the 16! I carry my weight in different places to most people!. A person i know had lost all their weight and went and got all the skin removed and has been in pain for 4 weeks now (I have no idea if this is the norm) but it has making me rethink if I wanna get this done in 20kgs time! I was hoping the band op and then the next op would be the tummy tuck but now with this gallbladder / port flip business the less scars and ops the better at this stage!. i have scars from my band that he will be reentering into for the gallbladder! but there still will be extra scars! GREAT! Oh well as long as its not open surgery I cant complain which still should be a possability.

Anyway bring it on lets get this over and done with so I can start working with the band again.

Beena

Another Operation

2009-06-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

Well I have been complaining about the severe pain that I sometimes get with the lap band and after many tests it seems as though i have Gallstones. I'm sheduled to get the gallbladder out next Thursday along with getting the port to my lap band re stapled. Gallstones can be caused by rapid weight loss i have been told, so Im feeling I cant win. My port also has flipped so while my surgeon is in there I have asked him to fix up the port. I am really not looking forward to being in pain again! I guess the bonus is he said he will make sure the band is working while he is in there. As for my weight loss I am slowly putting it on because i am unable to have a fill until this issue is all sorted out which sux!. I'm up to about 95kg I have also managed to roll my ankle its swollen and sore and i can not do much in terms of exercise at the moment. Anyway there is no reason to feel sorry for myself! I just hope all goes well with the op and that it fixes my pain problems and I can live a happy and effective life with the band! I really hope that the op is much less painful then the band was cos for me it really really really hurt!

Beena

2009-06-05T00:26:00.001-07:00

Gall stones

2009-06-04T23:45:00.001-07:00

Thanks Cara I hope all went well with the Op.

Hi all well what can i say I am over due for a fill but have had a few tests to confirm what i thought was Oesophagus spasms from the band!! (as Ive only had the pain since the band was placed )It turns out that i have Gallstones which i have been told can be caused by rapid weight loss!!. Now I'm waiting to see the doctor to see what my options are!! At this point i really don't want another op so I'm hoping that there is a few other ways we can go about treating this so i can move on to loosing more weight!! I'm down to 93 kg which is good and i did reach my goal for my birthday to be under 100kgs (just wish i could see 89kg on the scales so i would just feel like i was moving again!. I am NOW in a size 16 to 18 and can slip into a few stretchy 14s depending on the make! It is a great feeling. i love walking past the plus size section and seeing what choices I use to have compared to now! ( why is it that some designers think young overweight women should wear floral!!) I have no idea! The debate at the moment on the news about the band has been interesting as the government where I am from is considering making it for free! Some ex biggest looser trainers have not been supportive of this and I can in a way understand that! they are coming from a mindset that everyone is like them that everyone has the discipline the lifestyle the urge to do what they love doing and i personally feel that not all of us out there feel like this!! I have became more athletic since I have lost nearly 40kg but not near enough as i should or could be or have the desire to be its just not part of my genetic makeuP to jog 30 hours a week! Also a few of the past contestants are back to their old selves and some are even doing Jenny C adds!! That is nothing against them by any means but its the truth!!. I really don't know where I will be in 20 years I hope that the band will help me eventually maintain a healthy weight for life but who really knows. there are some people out there that the band just didn't work for it is just one of these things.. I for one came to the conclusion that if this didn't work I would just have to live this way for ever until I die of a heart attack. No matter how we loose our weight the end result is the same. I feel great!! I don't have the sheer embarrassment of wondering if I can fit in a chair or wondering if I will break the chair at the restaurant anymore!! I still have a huge way to go i have another 20 kgs or more if I wish but it beats being 132.5kg!!

Cheers

Beena

The Barrium swollow test

2009-05-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

for those of you who wasnt happy with the taste of certain shakes pre band! I have finally found a drink that tastes worse... That would be the Barrium that you get to have in the "Barrium Swollow" its a test done for those of us who may of had a slipped band. It involves drinking a "plaster like drink" while they are doing the xray and seeing if it goes through. ! I must say I found it kind of cool that i could see the xrays and the freaky implant in my body! (its definatly in there thats for sure!! I need to have a few other tests next week but Im hoping all is well. I am still in the 90's and really wanna get into the 80s!!AHHHHHH!

Beena

My New Weight (goal under 90kg buy my Birthday in a month)

2009-05-01T17:09:00.001-07:00

Fill taken out

2009-05-01T16:55:00.000-07:00

I went and got some fill taken out and i feel so much better. I had 1 wheat bix this morning and no reflux. The good news is i lost 2.3kg (5lbs approx) in a week so Im now 94.3kg so its a total of around 37.2kg loss in 9months... I still want to get another 20-25 kgs off just to get me to around 70-75kg! I feels great to think that 20 is not that much... well it is for many but Ive had 50-60 to loose and Im over half way there which is nice. Im not a big fan of over fills they put the band into perspective and make you remember that its is actually in there. I tried the other day it needs to be replaced and I hope that that is nt going to happen for another 30 years!!! I think i could only manage one lapband op in a lifelime 2 if need be. Life with the band has been good the changes I have made in my life come with the good and bad and sometmes i think was it all worth it. Its great feeling free, which is how I feel but it has changed my way and who I am now a little bit. I have a lot of saggy bits nothing that makes me look really bad but something I really would like to fix when i get to 70kg! My arms and legs bother me and my breast and tummy have a little skin yuckiness. Anyway my week with the band has sucked!! but i did loose weight LOL!! and thats the main thing...

getting unfilled

2009-04-30T22:03:00.000-07:00

OK so I'm at the point now where I need to get some taken out I spent last night vomiting up water and chunky little white stuff in a towel!! not a great image but its the reality of the band. I think there was something stuck in the esophagus and it eventually got dislodged with a hot coffee. This has happened twice over the past week since the last fill which is where I'm at the fill point!!! I'm bringing up water which I cant even hold down so it was time to force them to fit me in to an appointment today at 4.30pm. Anyway I'm hoping that by taking the quarter fill out i will be able to actually eat. I have lost a fair bit of weight in the past week and i think if I add up all the bites in a week it would add up to 1 meal for te entire week... not great. I'm very interested to see what he weighs me at and how much i have lost in the week on his scales

Beena

Fill 2 tight

2009-04-28T03:36:00.000-07:00

I have had a recent fill and I am finding it very hard to eat anything without it getting stuck no matter how much I chew.. Even Watered down Wheat bix is a struggle in the morning. I kind of want to get some weight off over the next month because I have an event coming up that i have been waiting for and so there is part of me that says to just put up with my severe lack of eating!! BUT.... the vomiting is really no good for the band so i am going to call the Doctor tomorrow to sort it out and get a little fill taken out!. I only managed to loose 1kg last month which is not a lot for 4 weeks!! but Easter threw me a little back and I ate way 2 much chocolate and stopped my walking on my holidays.. This made me feel really yucky so Im back to it and walking again. Its amazing just how much I feel yucky when I havnt exercised! anyway hopefully this over fill wont be 2 bad and get sorted out soon.

Beena

Getting there! Slowly :)

2009-03-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

I had another fill last Friday and I may or may not be at my limit. I have had a tummy bug so its hard to tell at this stage. Once again it took him a while to get the fill in and I was concerned I may of got an infection, I went to my GP and he said to see how I go but just thought it was gastro. (not the greatest thing to cop with the band) I jumped on the scales this morning and It showed over 1.5kg loss with in the week. I have prob eaten 1 meal in 2 days. In the past when I had gastro i still would test the limits and as soon as there was a slight chance of feeling better I would eat... only to be feeling ill again.

This time I am not hungry and not bothering thanks to the band...
I was wondering if anyone else out there feels as though they always just feel that little bit "off" like not 100% well? Since the band this is me!! Its not a bad thing because i feel much better now then i did at 132.5kg's but,, for me... there is just a little something that makes me not feel 100%. I dont think its anything to worry about, but there is a plastic thing or what ever its made of thing inside my body thats really not meant to be there! (and neither was the fat) so either way I had to choice.

I love the band though.. I like the new me! I actually get called "cute" and Attractive" and they are words I dont believe fall into my world what so ever thinner or not... but its still nice to hear them!

I hope this tummy bug goes away! soon!

Anyway I was about 94.7kg this morning!! NOW I cant remember being that light the least I remember being was 95kg!!... its a good feeling Cant wait until im 89kg!!! which is only around the corner... Little goals! are always good! and achievable!

Cheers

Beena

My Crazy!!!

2009-02-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

Does there ever come a point in your life where you really analyse just why it is we put ourselves through sheer hell to loose weight and then when you start getting somewhere you feel as though you are really getting nowhere.

It all started when My husband made a comment by mistake and was very unintentional about how a dress of mine that my mums making would be easily sold because there is no bigger costume dresses for "fat women" out there.

For some reason this made me feel like i hadn't achieved anything made me feel like i hadn't lost my 35plus kgs and made me feel like I hadn't gotten really anywhere on this journey i have been battling all my life.(size 18 not that bad really as opposed to my previous 26plus)

Never had i seen a man go that pale when he realised what had just come out of his mouth, there are few things I would leave him over and this is in the few things list!!! All my life i have been judged by my weight and all my life i have been fighting my weight, and finally I have got somewhere with the lapband finally after all the bloody pain and literally blood sweat and tears i'm starting to feel "normal" and not judged and then BANG!!! reality check from the person who has seen me at my rawest has seen the pain and has felt the tears.

It makes me sad to think that I have let my weight get to me all my life that i can sit here and be in denial about an Innocent comment made by the man i love, but for some reason my weight and has shaped my personality and its always been a part of me and always will no matter how much i loose. Anyone who REALLY knows me knows its always been touchy subject and one i have avoided, AND THAT.... my friends is the soul reason why i got that big!! no one was ever game enough to say something ..... not even myself!!!!

I layed in bed last night (husband on the couch,which after 13 years he had never ever spent there) and i wasn't thinking of the hurt or pain i was thinking of how I could just go get the biggest chocolate slab and devourer it right there and then...... (which i didnt go get)i just slept it off like a smoker who is trying to quit.... BUT don't start cheering for my willpower yet!!! cos as I sit here and eat my chocolate coated lolly filled ice cream that i know I wont get to finish because of the band I realise that the band cant stop that evil fat voice but it can stop you from being the devil and taking more then you need....

And yes some of you are thinking (hes not that bad, There are men out there who are intentionally nasty to their partners about there weight, me personally, if it upsets you then its not on, if its all good then fine, I just cant take it. Call me pretty much anything but don't call me fat!!! and I am..... I know..... I am.... but for some reason the truth hurts me sooooooooooooooooooo much its digs really deep and is

"my crazy".

Beena

New weight

2009-02-27T15:34:00.001-08:00

My first pair of jeans

2009-02-24T21:57:00.000-08:00

Well I decided the other day to go shopping and Im finding that Im buying things now because I just can not believe they fit. I tried on a pair of jeans the other day I havnt wore jeans since i was 10 years old, for me Ive been hiding behind long skirts and havnt even wore pants for about 15 years up until recently.

Yeaterday I bought my first pair of jeans in a very very long time. Well I guess my I BOUGHT my first pair ever since my mum would of bought them for me back then, and I cant stop wearing them. they are a size 18 which aint bad from a 26plus!!

Iam finding shopping really exciting now and Ive been able to swap clotheswith my younger sister which is nice. Even just being able to shop in the same stroes as her has been great. Ive had a few bits of cake over the weekend celebrating my boys birthdays so Iam back into it today focusing on food again.

to all the future dieters out there its alllllll worth it no matter what you do to loose it I feel better.

Beena

Weight Loss Tracker

2009-02-14T14:26:00.001-08:00

Tough week

2009-02-11T19:06:00.000-08:00

Well I got my fill last week up to fill number 5 and at 6.8mls. Got 1/4 ml added and found no real change but with no working out this week I have still managed to get down a little weight and now Im 97.9kg which feels great. Im 34.6kgs down! around another 23 to go to get to my goal weight of around 75kg. I managed to loose 3kg since Christmas so it was slow but thats ok as long as the scales are going the right way!. Ive spend most of the past week gathering things for all the bushfire victims and its been really hard to focus on myself when so much sadness is happening right around me. I will say this though Im proud to be Australian, the way my friends and family have helped me gather stuff in such short time for others and the way everyone has donated and the way the govenment has quickly got shelter food water, clothes, toys and relief to those needed is a privlidge to live in this country.

Back to the band! My tubing that has unstitched itself happened to be popping out when i went to see the doctor and he finally got to see what it was i was talking about. He can fix it but the thought of being reoperated on, makes me feel sick so i will learn to live with it for now.

My skirts are falling off and so i have decided not to buy zipper ones and only elastic ones so they can shrink with me. I can fit into a 14 ,16 and 18 but comfotabley.

My birthday is coming up and I have made a new small goal for myself and I have found it funny how goals have changed. I would be happy to loose another 5-10 before may but i will aim for 5kg. Now that life with the band has kicked in it doesnt feel like such a rush anymore to get all the weight off so fast. im giving myself 2 years to aim for goal, many will do it faster but for me Im happy to do it like this. i have been FAT ALL my life and so this is a lifestyle change that i have made and dont want to treat it as a restrictive diet like the past. if I want the chocolate I have the bloody chocolate and if that means i wont loose 500gms that week so be it... I know how my body works now and my mind and I find if i really deprive myself from things i end up depressed and down. Im not going to eat the entire block (and yes there are some I try but cant thanks to the band) but i feel contnet with my decision to take it slow.

Dont let anyone ever tell you that the band is the easyway out I have to really work my butt off im out at the gym and im walking and doing water aerobics all week most of the time, so i have earned the right to be 34kg less. The band has been a good tool but thats all it is. And like i said earlier as long as the scales are going down!!! I will keep doing what im doing happily.

Over the weekend we had 47 degree heat and i was at the beach I decided to do bungie tramopliening something I wouldnt of dared to attempt at 132.5kg for starters i wouldnt of fitted!!!! It was a great challenge and I realised how fit I have became in th past 7 months and was really proud of myself. I did nearly pass out from the sheer heat and had to have a sit down and a drink so its something I will try again on a cooler day. It was really nice to fit i the harness though!!!LOL

Having a grump!!

2009-01-27T15:00:00.000-08:00

Ive been walking lately up and down hills and in this 40 degree heat that the lovely sun has to offer its been full on! Even at 7,30am this morning it was really hot. My light and easy plan really hasn't worked. I'm not wrapped in the lunches so far but I'm sure the dinners will be better which I will try tonight.

My husband is joining Jenny Craig again but he had real success last time and lost over 4okg so it works for him in the short term its just trying to keep it off that is the problem which is the same reason gt the band.

At the moment I'm a little annoyed with the whole "band thing" I need a fill but yet i was over filled last time so I'm not sure what the plan is next! I'm sick of getting fills because i was under the impression I would only really need a few and I'm up to fill number 6 or 7 and each time is $170.00. I makes me wonder what the doctor is doing.

The full feeling lasts for a few days then slowly over the month i end up feeling hungry again. My next fill is next week and I will be discussing this with my doctor.

The thing i is have recommended this doctor to others so i hope he does not let me down. He is a nice man and looked after me on the day but I think sometimes they forget that they go home to their families and we are now dealing with the band from a day to day basis and need that little extra support not all the time but sometimes and expect them to be there.

Anyway I will keep you posted as to how things pan out! I'm still 99. something!! and I'm really over it I just wish it will go to 98 very very soon!!! and then keep going down!

Beena

WEIGHt LOSS

2009-01-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

Hmm for the comment below (ive been banded for 6months) so im way past the "first step" I just thought I would re-cap my very first blog on here!!

I have decided to do a few weeks of light and easy just to boost the weight loss.I know that the band is meanst to stop all diets for ever!!!! cos it is a lifestyle change, but A few calerie control meals should get the ball rolling again (just until my next fill) and once its starts it should keep going. My body has a way of stopping when I am on a roll as I have been for 6months (with a total loss of over 32.8kg ) and that was this mornings figures!! I cant complain.

My 30th is approaching and I would love to be at goal but i don't think its going to happen. So Im hoping to get off another 10kg by then which will bring me down to 89ish!! Which would be nice! Im eating a lot more then i want at the moment for those of you that have not been banded a day for me would be

MORNING GYM
Cereal (wheatbix 2 and lowfat milk
Lunch 4 cruskits with salad cheese and tuna
dinner a childsize plate of anything ive cooked (tonight was a roast pork with veg) the pork wasnt the easiest to chew so i didnt have a lot of it (probably for the best)
NIGHT WALK

Because of my sweet tooth I might later on get something small like a freddo just to keep my mind off it. LOL... hey my choice!!!

So far this kind of plan has helped me get the weight off so between now and the next fill It will be interesting to see where I get.

Beena

My very first blog way back in June 2008 !!! Wow how far I have come

2009-01-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

About me
Hello all, I'm a 29 year old mother of two who has recently made a huge step to change my life. On the 7th of August 2008 Im going to get LAPBAND SURGERY.

Now I'm sure there are some people out there that will find this a completely drastic move and I can tell you i once too was in the same frame of mind. When I was in my 20's a and 105kg(231lbs) I was told by a doctor that I should go get this done and I remember running out of the room crying and very insulted.

I have somewhat been living in denial about my weight but at the same time its something I have struggled with for ever, even my mum would say that I was always in bigger clothes then all the other kids even in kinder garden.

My husband seems to think the world of me no matter what but my heart knows that Ive managed to let myself go even more into weight gain hell, I'm now 153cm and 132kg(291lbs) with a BMI of 56.....

There are no excuses here just plain old fashioned habits that I have not corrected over time. Its funny I don't really see myself as really unfit or huge but when i put it down on paper like this its shocking....

I have done every diet I can think of and have managed to loose 20kg(44lbs) here and there only to gain 30kg back each time. I spend the first half of the year dieting and the second half gaining it all back.....

I have decided to blog my progress for others who may want some input on this process, and for genuine readers who have no judgement on me or my decision. I applause those of you in the world who have had successful weight loss with out surgery but I'm at the end of my rope with this. The final decision to do this came when I found a book I had from 1999 from a main stream weight loss centre it charted my weight and my weight loss. It woke me up and just made me realise how long i have been fighting myself and my food habits without any form of real success.

I really don't know at this stage whether the lap band is going to be a positive or a negative change in my life but I'm willing to give it a try for me, my husband and my kids so they can see the person that I can really be once i gain confidence and health.

JAN 2009
Wow i look at this and hope that I have been able to reach out to those of you who are feeling the same way preband!! I'm 32 kg lighter and Ive gone from a size 26plus!!! to a 16 to 18! (still on the journey) but Never in a million years did I think that I would be able to get this far. I got to the point where I had excepted my life and my fate to be extra large for ever. It was who Iam and that was that!!! Im still big but not feeling out of place like I use to in the world, not worried I'm going to break a restaurant chair or that a little kid is going to ask why that lady is so fat. I'm not worried that in the train when there is one seat left the old lady would rather stand then sit next to me ( the fatty on the train) all this makes life worth living. I'm still 132.5kg in my mind sometimes and I order like a fat girl even with the band
(I guess old habits never die) but the band is the little angel on my shoulder that stops me from going overboard. That makes the final decision for me.... And that is exactly what a person like me needed I can only speak for myself. Everyones journeys are different and there has been times I have wished I never got this way so I didnt need the band, but facing reality has been the hardest and I guess we all live and learn.

Beena

Weight loss moving SLOWLY!!!

2009-01-15T21:19:00.000-08:00

Yes the Christmas indulgence has finally stopped LOL!!! I have yet to go back to the gym... Aiming for Monday! Today I have found that without any fills I'm full fairly quick so its really great. Its up and down and I have been told that this can be the case with the band Some days are less restricted then others.

I still think I need just a Tadd more to be at the right range for me. I'm still under 100kg YAY!! but as to be expected without the gym weight loss has been slow, which is fine! I'm back on track now and this week has been a little better. I was going to go on some healthy choices for a few weeks just to get things moving along (not a diet)!!! just a few calorie controlled meals. Its happened to me in the past with my weight... It stops for months then re kicks in and I start again (usually with or without exercise).

The most thing I love about the band is i never feel like I'm on a diet ( Ive always been to stubborn for that. I can pretty much eat everything as long as I chew and it usually helps me to make the better choices. I would not choose say!!! a burger cos it takes for ever to eat and I would of usually had the whole half side of the pizza but 1 slice is enough.

Gosh to think what I use to eat compared to now and no wonder I reached the weight I did!! I could never really figure it out... but portion is everything and the saying "eating in moderatin is sooooooooooo bloddy true. It baffles me to think that you only need small helpings to suvive the rest is really an indugence a bonus in life our times really take for granted.( like I said I can pretty much eat everything just little bits of it) some are not as lucky.

I cant cheat and I don't feel guilty with the band (well I could cheat I guess) but what I mean is I'm not on a strict planned diet. I'm eating everything just not much.

So far I would have to say I wold not recommend it to a person that knows they can reach goal all on their own, and like all the books say I can see why it is the LAST resort!! for dieting ( like my husband who is thinking of doing it) I know he can do it on his own he has in the past!! Keeping it off is another challenge for him but my band should make his eating habits to control easier cos i wasn't a great help in the past the way I ate! He hates needles and has a low pain threshold (for the food getting stuck times)! If he wants to do it for sure I said "go for it, but make sure first".its up to him but I know him well enough to give him both perspectives.

What has happened to me recently.... HMMMMMM!!! well I did go to a store and grabbed the bigger size and the lady said "no you will need a smaller one... That was really nice and made me realise just how far I have came. I guess when you are with yourself all day you don't really realise how much different you look to others.

I bought s size 14 which was a nice feeling (one off of course) but i may of already mentioned that!! (was shocked it fitted)LOL!!!

What else.... ummmmm There is a rumor i got a tummy tuck which i find hilarious other then that I feel good. Ive had to buy new bras It seems that my boobs have shrunk!!! There is a lot here to spare so I'm not upset about that LOL!!! and i have noticed some skin on my arms well more loose flab and on my breasts which may become an issue if I get to goal which i will get fixed.. Other then that 2009 has started off slow, OH!!! I did go to the movies and fitted in the seat with space on either side that was great..

Anyway
For those of you that have just had the op hang in there the pain will soon go and the journey will soon start..

Best Wishes

Cheers
Beena

The new year

2009-01-06T13:15:00.000-08:00

Not alot going on so far on the weight loss front. My band seems to need a refill so I'm not sure to expect because last time he filled it up 2 much so i don't wanna go there again.Yesterday when cleaning after breakfast I did a little vomit in my mouth (great news) I know and I am sure you all wanted to hear about that LOL!! but it was a "lap band" issue. i don't know why i ave never had that before and it was very strange. Anyway I haven't been going to the gym or really doing alot. Ive been eating bad over the Christmas break which for me is now over today. I now need to get focused and get my butt into gear so that I can get off this weight.

Beena

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2008-12-31T16:21:00.000-08:00

It is a new year and lets all start it with goals that we can achieve!! Never did I ever think that coming into this new year I woulld be 32kg lighter.

2008

Lost 32kg have no idea where its gone and Im not going to go find it!!!

2009

Aim to get off 25kg plus

Lets do it!!

Beena

Hi Smiles and Skinnie minnie

2008-12-31T16:05:00.000-08:00

Hi guys hope you had a great new year. As for the comment about learning the hard way.. I don't know it seems I never seem to learn!!! but I had the same episode after chewing 1 chip really well so I dont know if its the way my body reacts when i get due for my period (cos it seems to happen around then) or if its me not chewing rigth... I know for sure that the boxing day incident was my fault though!! and Ive been pretty careful since.

Em the Optifat is really important, go back on my blogs in July and you will see how upset I was about doing it all, hopefully it will help you get through it. Doing it over Christmas is an extra challenge so i can only imagine how much harder it is for you.. Take each day at a time and you will get through it. If you can do 4 full days by the 5Th day it should get a little easier and you wont feel the bubbly tummy and hunger much and drink stacks of water and keep yourself busy. These tips helped me get through it. I was trying to cook for my kids and it was soooooooo bloody hard I feel for you.. Do your best because it is important and helps you in the long run. It also is a great start to what life is like with the band! What i mean by that is there is certain things you cant have with the band and the same with optifast.

Smiles... you poor thing I'm glad it only lasted a few hours mine was all night. I have gone off track the past week and eating everything last night (new years eve). We had a bbq and I really was not hungry but ate anyway (not a lot) but I could of done without it. I have to be good and try hard this week the last thing I want to do is stretch the band and get another operation that would really suck. I guess there are days in our new banded life where things like this are going to happen. I have created habits over the past 29years that are not going to be broken over night so i don't plan to beat myself up over it and just live and learn and make better choices over the coming years. That's all i can do.

Good Luck Girls

Beena

Boxing day nightmare with the band

2008-12-28T15:14:00.000-08:00

HMMMMMM There are very few days so far that I regret having the band, but I must say Boxing day I was beginning to wonder. I had a really awful episode about 2 hours after I ate where the pain runs thought my back and through my chest. It may of been foods stuck and i tried everything to dislodge it but no go!! Usually it lasts for a few hours but this bad pain went from 6pm to 4am and I did not get a wink of sleep. My tummy was really swollen and I could not lay on my back or tummy it was a nightmare. I think with all the Christmas excitement and conversation at lunch I forgot about the band and just ate like I usually would (how!!! well it can happen) once you are past the op and everything is healed and you haven't had an episode for a while It seems to creep up on you to remind you that you don't wanna be fat again and reminds you of just how you use to eat... You soon learn to take it easy.

Anyway I'm all good now and I am looking forward to the new year!

Beena

CHRISTMAS GOAL DONE

2008-12-21T14:28:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS GOAL REACHED

2008-12-21T14:18:00.000-08:00

I have finally made my Christmas goal Im in the double figures 99.6kg!!! I can not remember being under 100 and its been a L.O.N.G time !!!! I really dont know how Ive got there this week cos ive been eating not the best stuff. Yesterday i had red rooster... Of course it was a drumstick and about 6 chips so i guess the word moderation is the way to diet. The lapband has been great like that. I would of usually had a quater chicken and chips with gravy and eaten the whole thing plus a snack plus dinner plus 4 toast for breackfast plus more snacks and drinks during the day making the daily calerie and fat intake very high!!! I wouldnt excersise so hence my fatjiggly butt and thihs!! LOL

Anyway I did do a lot of excersise yesterday dragging bark in and out of the backyard so it paid off. 99.6KG CHRISTMAS GOAL REACHED NEW GOAL............

TO GET TO 89KG BY...........MARCH 2009!! BABY STEPS !!!

Chocolate..... my weakness!!!!

2008-12-19T14:11:00.000-08:00

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE chocolate and really have to stop eating large amounts of it. I have moments of silliness where I will just have it in front of the t.v!! I don't drink, don't smoke but mate!!!!! do I have a weakness for the good stuff !! chocolate!!! LOL!!
I guess there will always be a vise in every ones life whether they like it or not! At the moment the lap band has been great, but it does not make food choices for me all the time!!! (it does with a few things of course that I find hard to eat)!!! One thing you should know is that i do get to a point where i look at a menu and even though can eat chicken at the moment i choose the fish because it is easier to chew and sometimes I cant be bothered chewing for ages (I wish chocolate was hard to chew!!!) anyway Christmas is here and I still have to challenge myself to try to be good!!!!

Beena

Near 1st big goal!

2008-12-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

My first big goal was to get to 100 or under by Christmas 2008! and I guess when you set goals you don't really know if its possible and having the band i still didn't know if it was going to work... I went into this not thinking it was going to be the overall solution to my long life problem but a start to fixing it and changing my habits by force but so far it has came pretty close to fixing it.

I jumped on the scales today after a grueling gym workout and low and behold the scales were undeceive as to whether i was 99.8kg or 100.2kgs but either way the fact that it was flashing is a great sign that I am near my Christmas goal which was to be under 100!!!

It will be a great feeling when the scales finally make up their mind but for now i will just wait.... I only have 7 days to reach the big 1st goal and I just hope i don't put it all on during Christmas celebrations. If I'm going on past history.... well lets just say Shit happens!! LOL i Will always be a fatty at heart!:)

beena

2008-12-17T01:57:00.001-08:00

Trying to reach next goal!

2008-12-15T15:28:00.000-08:00

Im at 100.5kg and Im trying to reach a reasonable goal of under 100 by Christmas a target that seemed very easy a few weeks back but at the moment I might just get to the 100kg which is still great from 132.5kg. Just to think that this time last year i was 32 kg heavier. I tried to pick that weight up at the gym with the weights and BOY it was much heavier then I thought!

Anyway off shopping today.

Beena

Hi Smiles

2008-12-14T02:09:00.001-08:00

Hi Smiles!
to answer your questions! first of all I think my doctor gave me 1 ml because I was stating to him that there may be something wrong with the band as i have been eating a lot more and snacking a bunch during that month so he decided to give me 1 ml (so it was kind of my fault) Ive had 5 fills and my appointments are 4 weeks apart so I was getting a little impatient! LOL!

I did have the water in the clinic before i left and I also had my husband and 2 toddlers with me (which for this appointment could not of been helped) , all was fine in the car until we hit the freeway and I felt not well! We were stuck in traffic i had two kids crying because they were hungry and my husband was rushing back to work! (really bad circumstances) and as a mother I forget about myself sometimes and worry about my 3 boys (hubby included) more then me!!!! Looking back I should of turned back and got him to take out the fill but in my defence i had never been "over filled" before so I was not sure if the feeling I was getting was normal or not!! and was kind of hoping it would pass!!

My doctor is a very caring guy he seems to really care for his patients so I was very surprised when he wasn't there to help me over the weekend! (don't know if he was really inter sate or just couldn't get there), but either way I'm fine now...

Good luck with Optifast it is really worth doing I hated it and if you look back on my blogs there is probably some angry optifast moments where i had enough.... but on the day of my opperation my doctor said that there was no fatty liver and that he even put a smaller band in because I must of did a great job on the optifast for the month! so Im really glad I stuck to it the best I could. There were a few stuff ups but Im only human and they were not bad ones usually a grilled fish. I just did the best I could, after all I have an eating problem and asking someone like me to stop eating and drink yucky stuff for a month was a big ask LOL!!!

Its a hurdle Ive jumped! and yes!! TRACY it is such a learning curve isn't it!!
but a path Worth taking...

Cheers

Beena

Hi tracy RESTRICTION RESOLVED

2008-12-13T02:29:00.000-08:00

Hi Tracy,

I hear what you are saying but unfortunately it was not the case with me! I do know what you are taking about and I have experienced the same thing and my doctor suggests semi flat cola to settle the oesophagus down but if I come across it again i will try your solution!
I ended up in the hospital today as my surgeon finally got back to me. I copped one of his registrars! (why do doctors always seem to conveniently be interstate when you need them!!!) HMMMMMMMM!! The registrar didn't seem to know what he was doing at first and I said to him politely "please do not do it if you can not find the port because I really do not want to be re operated on". Even my own surgeon finds it really hard to get the needle in these days!

To cut a Long story short he finally got the very huge needle in and took out .5mls It felt like I had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders like I could breathe again! and that glass of water he gave me was like heaven because i was so thirsty and was so glad that it didn't come back up! I was over filled LOL

Today since the removal of the fill I have been able to eat lunch and tea! much less then before so I'm now hoping I'm at my "sweet spot" the spot where I'm not hungry much, I don't snack and don't need much food to get by. The spot that we get the lap band for. The kind of restriction where I'm satisfied with not much food and where the weight is coming off again fast like it was when first banded! i was not expecting the restriction to take so long to hit i thought a few fills and I will be fine! I have a 10ml band with about 8 in it and its taken about 5 fills to figure it out but I'm hoping I'm there. Only time will tell..

Beena

2008-12-12T16:09:00.000-08:00

SERIOUS RESTRICTION

2008-12-12T15:59:00.000-08:00

OK so I had my fill on Friday i think I'm up to fill number 5 and the doctor decided to put in 1 whole ml which is a fair bit for him to do. He usually only does .5mls but i had only lost 1.9kg in the month so he bumped it up!!. Today is Saturday and low and behold he is not answering his pager yet!!! The restriction is that bad i can not hold down water, I tsp of porridge made me wanna puke and felt like i ate a rock!! NOT GOOD!!

I will either wait till he calls or just stick it out until Monday! and just not eat or drink anything!! I will stick to icy poles for a few days I guess! Its the worst feeling and I can really understand what restriction now is after not really getting it.Be careful what you wish for!!

I have gone from being able to eat everything to not being able to drink or eat anything with just 1ml!!!

I will keep you posted.

This weekend is going to suck!!
Good news though I'm now 100.5kg!! (well no surprise there)!!LOL need food!!)

HI EM!!!

2008-12-09T04:45:00.000-08:00

Hi EM,

I am not at restriction yet!!! so Im eating more then i should at this point but still not much... My parents (who know about the band but don't really get it) do make the odd comment like "is that all you are having" they don't really get it!!! I have not yet found that anyone has really noticed me not eating much or maybe they have but just not said anything! the only comments i have is when i dine out and I don't eat the food... The chef seems to think I didn't like it (Ive had a few ask me if i liked the meal only cos there was so much left on the plate!!) I have also told everyone that Im eating less cos i have chosen 2 and that is how i have lost the 30kg!! so i guess thats another reason they dont question me. The best advise i can give anyone is to always grab the smallest plate and just eat off that...People then dont tend to question you so much cos it looks like you are eating a "full meal" but the plate is just smaller!! The band hasnt effected me as much as I though it would. I have been pretty lucky that I can eat pretty much everything just not much of it. i thought I would be vomiting every time i ate!!! The food does get stuck and it can be painful but it passes and you soon learn the lesson to eat slow and chew. The first few weeks after the op you most likely wont feel like eating so just take it slow!! I didn't see an exercise Physiologist but i did have an overnight sleep test which was not fun!!! i must say that the weeks i dont exercise are the weeks I dont loose much or stay the same so its really vital!! thats really great they have got you seeing a specialist in that field!!

All the best

REPLY TO SMILES

2008-12-06T16:28:00.001-08:00

SMILES Good luck I know what its like to be on the pre-op diet I did it for 4 weeks and my doctor was really strict Optifast ONLY for breakfast, lunch and tea and green veg only 2 cups per day!! there were some days I would rather of starved then stomach another optifast but I got through it and you will 2!

As I get thinner I realise i have made the right choice not telling many people, I can focus on me and not what everyone else is thinking of my decision. At first my husband thought I was joking when i said what i wanted to do. After a good 12 months of research he began to see I was really serious about my choice of the band! He thinks I made the right choice because he has spent the past 10 years watching me go on and off diets and suddenly seen 30kg disapear off me in 4 months which is something I have never done so fast before. He sees my happiness and he has also seen me in a lot of pain and hes been really great. I needed the support especially from someone who was not going to tell me "I told you so" if it didnt work" Its great that he has finally seen its your decision. You need a bit of help to get through the post op stage because for me it hurt, and I have kids that needed to be cared for a while why I recovered
Best wishes
Good luck. Keep me posted.
Beena

December 6, 2008 4:25 PM
Delete

2008-12-04T23:19:00.003-08:00

2008-12-04T23:19:00.001-08:00

Wishing Everyone a very Merry Christmas

People who have not seen me for ages

2008-12-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

This has been an eye opener this week... i guess with the lead up until Christmas you tend to see people you may not of seen for a while and they have seemed to be in total shock that I have lost so much weight!!! Its a good feeling but at the same time its made me realise just how big i was and just how big people saw me! When you are big all your life you tend to some how block it out and live life like everyone else, not knowing or feeling any different to anyone else. For me it would always haunt me and i was forever dieting. I feel like the same person so I cant understand why people are raving about it so much... Its very nice to get compliments, something im not use to.

Iam only sad that I have been kind of lying to everyone about how i have managed to loose so much in little time! I usually say that Im eating smaller portions which is somewhat true, but i feel no need to tell everyone about the band. in the past I have told people of the diets i was on only to be watched and i feel that this is only for me and not anyone else and really no ones business. There are a few people who know... those people i trust and have helped me through this. You can not un tell people of the decision made so really truly think who you tell!!!

There is also a small stigma with some people about WLS,( i used to be one of them who thought it was a no no) but its especially from those who are fortunate enough to be granted the "thin gene" they seem to assume that we can all just diet and excersise and bang!!! magic!!!!!! Some people can and good for them... But not me!! I was ALWAYS hungry and ALWAYS eating... Not anymore!!!

Beena

Thanks for your support

2008-11-29T13:38:00.000-08:00

Hi all thanks for the recent comments about my 30kg loss!! and good luck to those who are getting banded soon.

(smiles)- Just wanted to say all the best for the op in Jan it will be a new year for you and a new life! need any advise or help and I will do my best to help.

Cant wait to get the other 30kg's off!! all in good time.. LOL
but its nice to be in a size 18 and nearly in a 16 YAY!!! something that seemed so far away....

I nearly gave up before the band and nearly excepted my fate as a fat person! so Im happy with the progress so far.... I m not going to say its easy or that its for everyone, but I did do my fair share of dieting and came to a point where I felt i had no other choice!!! but a decision that was not taken lightly. All the best to you all and good luck with what ever decision you make FOR yourself!

Cheers
Beena

reached 30kg loss

2008-11-24T12:09:00.000-08:00

I finally have lost 30kg been a battle but Im there!!!! Only another 30 to go WOW!!!! I can onny hope i do it as fast as I have with this 30kg lol

Beena

Getting thinner

2008-11-24T02:58:00.000-08:00

Im now starting to notice the change in me, and am seeing a shape that I have not seen for a good 12 years. I knew i had a waist it was just hidden by all the fat!!!

Im near my Christmas goal which is good, it is taking longer then i hoped but as long as the scales go down then all is good!!

I cant stop getting clothes even just simple tshirts that no longer have to be so baggy on me anymore.. I have a long way yet but its better then being 132.5kg and its amazing I thought I would have to be 60kg before i would even notice anything.

Its been a bit of a battle but it is working and thats the main thing.
Beena

2008-11-15T02:10:00.001-08:00

OFFICIALLY IN A SIZE 18

2008-11-15T01:46:00.000-08:00

Ok in past posts I have mentioned that I fit into size 18's but had never bought any cos there was a few kg's needed to loose.... Today went to target and bought a top in an 18 and have been looking at it since I cant believe it. I mean I haven't been in an 18 for 12 years and it feels really great to finally not have to shop at the bigger stores or to feel like I don't belong in everyday stores!!! I could never just walk into any store but the plus size ones now its getting that little bit easier...

I had my 4th fill yesterday but the week leading up to it I was nauseous and felt really full for 3 days I don't know what it was but i do find that some days the band is way tighter then others especially before my period...

The head hunger was hard to fight this time around and that's a habit i need to work on more and fight again. The band takes the edge of it!!!! (after all over eating is an addiction) well for me anyway.
Ok so with the 4th fill it was harder to find the port this time and took a few try's which was semi painful. It has been popping in and out and i have been told not to worry from the doctor.

My restriction is better I have eaten today
2 tbsp wheat bix (wasn't hungry this morning)
baked spud with veggies
cheese/3 clix biscuits/ tuna
half fish, a few chips

The best thing that you can buy is portion sized things like tuna and biscuit packs and cheese and cracker packs they are great cos they are portions and you can keep them in your bag on the go!!

I am now 103.6kg (on the doctors scales) so lost 4.9kg since our last visit and cant wait to get to my next goal of under 100kg the aim is to reach it before Christmas. Fingers crossed..

Weight gain

2008-11-04T01:14:00.001-08:00

Hmmm I have put on some weight this week and I can only blame myself and not having restriction at the moment has made it really hard. It feels like the old days before the band where i was fighting against the diet I was on. I miss the restriction because it has a way of making me not want to eat food at all.

Im a little mad at myself and I have every intention of going to the gym and coming home and doing the tredmill tomorrow to start the ball rolling again. I find it frustrating that my fills are so few and far inbetween....

Anyway i will keep this blog posted on how i go.

Beena

Little restriction

2008-10-30T15:53:00.000-07:00

Im in need of a fill lately and I have to wait another few weeks and getting anxious. Im starting to eat much more these days, and Im kind of sitting on around 104.1 to 104.5kg so it would be nice to see the 103 on the scales. Only 7 weeks until Christmas and my goal is to get under 100 kg by December 25th 2008... Which technically is another 4.5kg (boring information I know but this blog helps me to see how far I have come so sorry)

It sounds pretty easy to do and really not a really hard goal and If I put everything into it i could do it in a few weeks if i had to... but the band is in for ever and I have pushed myself in the past only to get quick results that only last for a short time so no hurry. I have been managing 8.5kg per 2 months so i guess that would mean that will reach 75kg by.....May 2009 which is what i am aiming for anyway... (hope I didnt jinx myself)

Beena

My Progress so far

2008-10-21T21:12:00.001-07:00

My QLD holiday

2008-10-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

How great it felt to not need a belt extention on the plane to be able to fit in the tshirts sold at the theme parks and to not worry about fitting in rides anymore. I had a bottom appartment but would of not cared if i had to climb to the top stairs. i feel so much fitter then ever before. I ate bad (as i do on holidays and lets face it there are little choices besides soft chips for bandsters) but it didn't seem to matter because i was 3kg lighter when i got back. I'm now 105.4kg. I have a long way to go but Im getting there I swam with the dolphins and fitted in the wetsuits supplied it was my main worry when i booked it over 3 months ago. Its amazing to think that in only 4 months i have lost 26+kg, more then i have ever lost in that amount of time. I did have a small lapband eposode where the pain ran through my back and chest. i may of eaten to fast. It only ever lasts for 30 min this one lasted the whole day. they are quick reminders that the band is still in there. It was hard to maintain my little secret especiallly at the all you can eat sizzler dinner the other family suggested. It was a waste of money for me because i didnt eat much but I dont think hey noticed cos i went back for more, i only put a tiny bit on my plate the first time so it looked like i was eating normal. Anyway this is my journey so far....

2008-10-10T00:09:00.000-07:00

Im now 107.1kg over 25kg lost feeling great and loving it so far.... ive had my 2nd fill I think 1 more should do it. Im full quicker Im hoping in 2 weeks I can get down to 104kg lets see.

The fills dont hurt my doctor is great and does it fast.
Ive met some great people on line and am enjoying being some wha human again mentally and physically.

Beena

2008-09-28T04:01:00.000-07:00

From a size 26 to a size 20

2008-09-28T03:51:00.000-07:00

Good feeling today. I grabbed the size 24 and it was 2 big so there was only a 20 left on the rack. It fitted perfectly. I am slowly getting there. People are starting to notice more and more (my dads mate) was a surprise its a great feeling. Im starting to feel like a normal person. Im only about 10kg off walking into a "normal" shops and not having to find the bigger chick stores and paying through the nose..... Im 108.7kg and to some that is really still huge and it is, but I was 132.5kg and have not been 108kg for a about 12 years.

I am waking up with a stabbing pain in my side and it lasts for about 30 min I may of already mentioned it earlier but it is a worry, i have no retriction still so ive booked it for Friday to get the second fill done... Fingers crossed. I just hope im not playing with fire because im off to QLD soon and I dont want to be 2 restricted but want to be satisfied..

Im hoping that this fill will stop me from wanting to snack all the time. i dont want to fight myself like i have been in the past with food. I want to just eat and then be full and not have to think about it.

Beena

My results so far.

2008-09-24T21:17:00.001-07:00

No restriction

2008-09-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

I'm down to 109.2kg but I'm finding it very hard to not want to eat. My doctor said that if i don't feel any restriction (which I don't) to go see him for a small top up before I go on my trip. Today when i woke I had a sharp stitch like pain on my side but it soon went away. I know it was something to do with the band cos Ive never had that before.

My parents are noticing the change in me and my husband is as well. Ive had remarks from people who i figured wouldn't really care and that was a nice change.

I really want a "little miss top" i don't know why but they are really very cute.... In the past they have never fitted me..... I decided to buy a size 20 tshirt and order a iron on Little miss cheeky. ( a size 20 is a big milestone because I'm slowly getting into an 18 to 20 and there are just more options. I have a wrap dress that is so clingy and I really don't know what i was thinking when I bought it at 132.5kg....(never worn it ever out in public)!!! I tried it on today and although Ive still got a long way it seems to look ok on me.

My trip to QLD is in 2 weeks and I know i will just feel so much better on the plane and as the summer months approach just more better about things. If anyone out there is overweight and really trying to get it off its just a matter of turning on that thing in your brain that doesn't respond when you grab the burger or takeaway food. Its weird I'm so glad i made this choice for myself, whether it was the lapband or another approach i m so glad I'm 22kg lighter.

So far it has not been a miricle cure and I never thought it would be, I'm glad i was not disillusioned from the start. I have had to really work with it, but it all adds up. Last night i had dinner and then we went out where there was free sausages. Now usually i would of had a few..... But have learnt that for me sausages and the band don't mix, so just had a low fat hot chocolate. Everything you put in your mouth adds up..... so that's just another lesson I have learnt so far from being banded.

Beena

FIRST FILL

2008-09-18T05:12:00.000-07:00

Today I had my first fill. I learnt a few things.
! don't eat lunch before the fill
2 stick to fluids for the rest of the day.

My doctor gave me NO instructions and when I asked if i could eat he said yes. He added 2.5 and in a 10cc band that sounds like a lot but he is the expert.

I lay ed down on the bed with a pillow under my back he felt for the port and told me to lift my head then injected the saline. It really did not hurt at all.

Because I ate not long before my fill i think the food was still digesting and later on in the afternoon i had a "lapband episode" where the asophicas spasms (according to my surgeon) and the pain was really bad in my back and across my chest for a good hour. I'm OK now.

I just hate the fact that i have to work out once again what my band can and cant take food wise...

Ive lost 22kg according to his scale. (132.5kg) now 110kg.

My goal for 109kg is nearly achieved.
Beena

Weight loss slow

2008-09-15T04:05:00.000-07:00

My first fill is on Thursday and im really not sure what to expect, its been a busy few days so i have not had time to think about it. My port is fairly wobbly so im hoping that it hasn't moved. I am eating a lot more and finding it hard to control myself so the fill couldn't of came at a better time. I feel better but really want some more progress soon. I plan to get to 109kg by my trip which is not that long away. Despite getting more hungry Im still not eating crap and so if anything my weight loss has stopped but hasn't shifted in the wrong direction. I had a 21st on the weekend and I wore a dress and felt really comfortable for once, i had a lot of comments even from my older sister finally!!!!! lets just say coming from her its a shock, so I must be doing something right.lol

Beena

HELLO TO MY NEW READERS

2008-09-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

Hi I have spoken to a lot of you on line and would really love to help anyone who is thinking of being banded (the best I can). Life at the moment is so much different I'm now 20kg lighter and feeling so much better. I went to the gym this morning and cant imagine how I did the workout at the start of my journey. I cant stop shopping for clothes. I have a long way to go and I'm still in a size 20-22 but it beats squeezing into a size 26 and dresses just look a little better on me. A jacket i bought last winter just buttoned up now it is real loose. I cant wait until I get to under 100kg. My goal for September was to reach 114kg well Im way past my goal. NEW GOAL: to get to 108kg by OCT 11th ready for my trip....

THINGS I HAVE LEARN'T SO FAR BEING BANDED

Its NOT a quick fix, weight can be slow at times YOU DO need to workout and eat right.

Don't assume you are recovered and then eat something that you may think is OK to have. I did this and the food got stuck. The pain was unbearable I was crying and had to vomit. (lesson learn't forever).

I was in pain for a good 3 weeks there are some that recover fast I thought there was something wrong with me. If anything seems wrong call the doctor straight away. Don't wait. I did and I was reassured I was fine but the peace of mind was all worth it.

I'm happy with my decision, I haven't told many people and am happy that I have kept it to myself. People tend to watch every little thing you eat if they know. They don't get that everything in moderation is fine That is One thing i have learnt MODERATION...

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU JUST WRITE A MESSAGE AND I WILL REPLY ID BE HAPPY TO SHARE MY EXPERIENCE'S MORE

BEENA (MY first fill is on the 18th sept I will do a blog on that then)

My Stats so far

2008-09-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

*Began Tue 8/7/08 (130.5kg) 1 day
*Lost 4.7kg Tue 15/7/08 (125.8kg) 7 days
*Lost 6.6kg Thus 17/7/08 (123.9kg) 9 days
*Lost 7.3kg Mon 21/7/08 (123.2kg) 13 days
*Lost 8.1kg Thur 24/7/08 (122.4kg) 15 days
*Lost 8.4kg Sat 26/7/08 (122.1kg) 17 days
*Lost 9.1kg Wed 29/7/08 (121.4kg) 20 days
*Lost 10.1 Thur 30/7/08 (120.1kg) 21 days
*Lost 12.7kg Thur 7/8/08 (118.8kg) 28 days (day of op)
*Lost 15.7kg Tue 11/8/08 (114.8kg) 32 days
*Lost 16.1kg Wed 13/8/08 (114.4kg) 33 days 40kg to go
*Lost 16.5kg Thur 14/08/08(114kg) 34 days
*Lost 17.9 kg Sat 30/08/08(112.6) 50 day
*Lost 18.6kg Mon 2/09/08(111.9kg)52day

(if you want to figure it out in lbs google webmath)

Down 6.7kg (14lbs) since the lapband

2008-09-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

Things with the band are getting better. I will begin back at the gym tomorrow after having 4 weeks to recover. I can still feel a slight stitch but nothing that is making me worry. Since the op ive lost 6.7kg (14lbs) without even doing any extra activity, but now im recovered its on. I feel great im now 111.9kg(246lbs) which is still alot to carry around but much better then 130.5kg(287lbs) so in total with optifast pre op and the band Ive lost 18.6kg (41 lbs) so im getting there. I must say the head hunger is hard im so use to eating big sizes of everything. Here is a few tips for future bandsters only from what helped me, others may disagree (but who cares) this is my blog LOL....

1. Buy small bowls and plates (saucers and kids bowls)
2 Buy kids knife, folks and spoons until you work out how to chew chew chew.
3. Get european pillows for the first week after the op a hot water bottle or heat pk
(helps to ease the pain and the pillows are great for supporting the tummy.
4.keep a water bottle close at all times
5. Portions are great like tuna with crackers already packed so you know how much you are eating cheese and crackers, small cereal boxes things like that.
6.dinner ive been filling up my small bowl with portions size foods like healthy choices which ususally there is over half still left but the bowl is a great measure once again so i know where im at
7. If you want something sweet try 99% fat free white hot chocolate from Jarah or portion sized chocolate (1 stick kitkat) so you dont over do it.

Well this is just what Ive learned so far from my journey with the band.

Take care.

BEENA

So far this is what ive learnt hope this helps.

CHEERS

Beena

Eating more food

2008-08-25T01:29:00.000-07:00

Well as the weeks go past i am finding that im eating a little more food then the week before Im waiting on my first fill which should sort me out, today i had

B 1 wheat bix/ milk

S 1 99%fat free white hot chocolate

L 80g baked beans/ 4 kfc chips

S 1 glass low fat milk

D very tiny bowl of latina pasta with cheese

Ive got no idea if Im eating 2 much or not enough but im
fairly satisfied and not hungry but i need to get that water in as well
and i did not get much today so i will have some while watching tv tonight. Lacked in the fruit and veggie department today I will need to make up for it tomorrow. Lapband life has been ok so far besides the cramp in my side that wont go away. I had a Christening and they served pizza and quiches i just had th filling from 2 baby quiches which was enough. Most Desert would go down well that is the floor of
the band but Life without the occasional sweet would suck soim really glad i can have the odd treat.

Beena

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-20T02:45:00.000-07:00

Yes ive titled this blog appropriately for the absolute pain i was in yesterday and Im surprised i lived to tell the story. First i must say im an idiot and I say that because i swayed from the rules. I have nearly started mushies and so I thought 2 days before i was meant to start i would have a go at a very mushie sausage roll. Not a good thing. I havnt chewed for over 1 month now so I guess I forgot the process or
something so i took a few bites... About 2 hours later i had a pain across my chest across my back (It felt like labour pains all over again) I made myself vomit and was better.... Im worried because ot vomit at this early stage post op may of caused some damage, I have no reflux and am feeling ok so im assuming all is well and will be seeing my doctor in a few weeks. I guess I was finally feeling great after feeling crap for so long and I figured i have no restriction.... Im stupid and i will put it down to a huge learning curve that i will need to adjust to. All I can say you Live and learn and i have done that this week. My weight loss has came to a stand still this week I lost 4kg last week (approx 7lbs) but ive Incorporated more into my diet this week so I guess Its to be expected. I cant wait till i go back to the gym next month so i can start to see hopefully some weight loss progress. If I can get down to 105kg by my QLD trip i will be happy.. T hat will be an extra 9kg loss. My mother in law was in total shock when she saw me so she noticed the 15+kg loss (30lbs about) so it was a good feeling.

Beena

Day 6 days post op

2008-08-13T00:13:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Ive finally came out from under my pillow feeling much
more like a person again. I still have some pain and am going t see the
doctor soon but I am slowly getting my appetite back and I must say i missed it for a while. I get hunger pains but Im not hungry so its a really strange feeling Im having. Ive been a good girl drinking only fluids Ive lost another 400g so Im 114.4kg. Cant wait until im under 110kg then under 100 and then of course my goal is around
69-70kg. The real test will be my mother in law on Friday. She will
even notice the 16kg loss or not! I mean my parents never really notice
anything. I can tell in my face and my clothes are looser and to my
husbands regret Ive shrunk my bra size a heap. So I can say ive lost it
in the breasts and my wedding finger cos my ring slides off!!!
Great.... The tummy and the arms would of been nice but i guess thats coming.

I guess the reason for eating these days is for energy really. I find that if i dont eat Im in a heap with no energy. Im eating very little because i have been on Otifast
anyway for the past month so have got myself in a pattern on just doing
breakfast lunch and tea. (with the fluids) My advice to all who is going to do the LAPBAND is to do OPTIFAST for 4 weeks
( and I never ever thought i would ever hear myself say that) I hated
it I still do, but.... It has helped me to just eat 3 time a day. and
that is it. I eat cos im boared. My old habits came out today when I had a very tiny bowl of soup and thought about getting more. I waited 20min and didnt even think about it after that.

Anyway I hope this time next year im at my goal 69-70kg.

Beena

Feeling yuck

2008-08-10T23:22:00.000-07:00

So far I have spent the past 3 days laying on the couch feeling sorry
for myself trying to figure out how i got from deciding to do this to
here.... Have i made the right choice.. i guess only time will tell.Im
not hungry have no energy and am feeling really uncomfortable. I feel
like someone has punched me a good one in the ribs.. I am a little annoyed
at the doctor for not sending me home with pain killers or anything at
all even a suggestion on what to eat would of been helpful. I have lost
about 3 kg since Thursday, and when I hear people say they cant wait
for their band I think.... "oh yes you can".

I think its just early days thats all and Im having a whinge cos im in a little pain and never really felt this way before. I remember waking up and was in and out of consciousness and heard the nurse say she is still in a lot of pain SHES NOT LITTLE she will cope with somemore pain killers......

HMMMMM its people like that which is the reason why I did this. Im still in a lot of pain and according to the receptionist its not a normal pain so Im waiting for the surgeon to call me back. Each day Im feeling better but the pain isnt going away. I had a good cry today I think Im just menstral and sore... Cant wait to feel like normal.. Now 114.7kg from 130.5 Not bad i guess..

Anyway I will keep this blog posted.

Beena

My first Day home

2008-08-08T02:15:00.000-07:00

OMG I feel really bad Im in more pain then i antispated. I just want to say that although i cheated on optifast a few time the surgeon said that my organs had shrunk to the point where he only needed to put in a small band.

The nurses and staff at Freemasons Epworth were so lovely. After the op I woke up feeling really uncomfortable and its a pain i have never experienced before.

I wont write much because Im pretty sore and tired but all I can say is I pray that this pain goes away so I can get on with my life.

Getting banded tomorrow

2008-08-06T02:08:00.000-07:00

Well the day has come to get this year long decision finalised. Im off to get the gastric band put in tomorrow. I have had a month of what i can only describe as hell on optifast but Im
pretty proud of myself that I have got through it 12.7kg (24lbs i
think) lighter. I have cheated throughout the month but for the most
part have stayed focused.

I really am more scared about the outcome of the band. The operation itself i have managed to block out of my brain but im sure it will rekindle itself in the morning.

I stocked up on soups and juices to get me through the liquid stage and Im hoping im only in for the night. Anyway there is little more to say.

Wish me luck.

Beena

Thyroid scare

2008-08-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

Got a call at 8.30pm the other night the message went something like this

"hi its Lee Im the admissions nurse at the hospital you need to call me back ASAP I need to speak to you in person its about your bloodtests....." and then hung up...

I was left thinking I was dieing or that they might cancel my op.

I finally got a hold of her and she basically siad that my thyroid reading was off. (which is due to the rapid weight loss) I have an under active
thyroid and am on medication for it I just had to modify my dose no
drama But boy it was a scary few days waiting for the doctor to get
back to me.

I have 1 week left and I am finding the last week on Optifast even harder then before I stuffed up big time tonight, Ive been so good for so long AHHHHHHHHHH. I find it amazing how some doctors have no pre op diet. Anyway I think my husbands eating habits are going to make this a really hard journey for me. I dont know if its because Im not eating but
i notice all the bad stuff he eats and through him I can now see how i
got this big. We would order 1 family pizza and eat it between us. I look
back now and think how wrong that is and it would take me 3 slices
before i could get a little full. I just hope the band stops my
interest in food that i have all the time.

Beena

Op paid for

2008-07-25T03:18:00.000-07:00

Well I was worried i wouldnt have the money in time for my op but all is well and paid for.

It just seems to make it all real now.

Ive been feeling fairly down and out lately, i really dont know if it is because no one really understands where my head is at or if its just cos im worried about the op, or mainly about the rest of my life with the band. I think im down because Im struggling to cope on optifast and hate not being able to eat..... I just hope im doing the right thing for myself and my family.

Today i took my boys to a playcentre and climbed the slide and jumped on the jumping castle with them. Something I have not done for a long time. I dont know if it was the 8.5kg lost that gave me some sort of silly confidence but it was pretty funny.

I guess when Im banded and Ive lost a stack more i will be actually go down the slide which is something i didnt do.

Ive got a really bad cold and not being able to eat is making me feel shit. I went on yahoo chat and spoke to some people who didnt need to do pre op optifast, and i t made me feel better. i was worried that they wouldnt do the op if id had the od cheat. Ive got 2 weeks to go and have been sticking to it like crazy.. i hate it but i gotta do it.

Beena

Sick to death of OPTIFAST

2008-07-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

I have had it im so bloody sick of this vile shit....

The sweet taste is making me sick the soup has a yucky after taste, the bars taste like cheap shitty chocolate. My tummy is making noises not because Im hungry but because its upset....

Im not hungry just sick and tired of this stuff. I have been on every diet known to man but never a "shake diet" for good reason!!!!! This is not human this is not right....

Only 2 more weeks of this crap to go and counting AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Sorry just venting, just having a bad day Im sure tomorrow will be better.... I hope

Feeling sick on Optifast

2008-07-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

Im at 2 weeks now on Optifast and I must say I havnt been hungry but I
have been feeling fairly unwell. i guess the best way to describe it is
the feeling you get when you see something that makes you sick, except
I feel like that all day long. Like when you are pregnant and certain
smells make you feel ill, kind of like that.

I was shopping at the supermarket yesterday and had a dizzy spell, my husband suggested i eat something other then Opti.
I hate walking through the supermarket looking at things
to eat and not being able to eat them, its a strange feeling, I spent
the most part grabbing tinned soup reading the back of them and hoping
to find something i could eat other then veggies and Opti... but no go...

I had the usual Sunday dinner with my parents and family, and I couldnt eat anything (well the good stuff anyway). Dad made me the veggies that I was able to have but i ended up stirfrying a frozen packet that had some sauce with it.

Only 2 weeks to go and Im really hoping im doing the right thing. My weight has stayed put on 7.2kg over the last few days which is frustrating,but better then nothing..

Beena

Food and the way I was raised

2008-07-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

I look back now and see that I can honestly say that my parents food choice's for me growing up has played a huge factor in the way i am now and am trying my very best to change that for my kids.

I remember my mum coming to my primary school with fish n chips every
Wednesday and after school having 2 rolls with thick cheese lots of
butter and ham every day only to have a big plate of pasta steak chips
what ever she was cooking with lots of salt and going for seconds.

I was always praised for eating and there was no restrictions on food in
the house. Easter I would sit and eat all my chocolate and I still
do....and Christmas eat every meat there was.

I was put on all sorts of diets and never told i was pretty, or even told i was loosing the weight when I was on them, just "your getting there". Even now my dad tries to pass over the leftovers at our Sunday dinner even when we have all had huge amounts of food. "I'm full" he says, "but look the res plenty there finish it off".

It has never been out of spite though all its food, but given to me out of love.. Always wanting your kids to be fed and looked after and satisfied. We spent nearly every Wednesday night eating Chinese and Mcdonalds after mum and dad would finish their weekly game of ten pin bowling.

Its
only now that Ive had my own kids that i have stopped to think what I
wish they could of done differently. I know I was a reallystubborn kid, but i think it starts from birth. I really dont know how my kids will end up I can only do my best. Its hard to break the cycle of how we have been taught to eat along with the gene factor.

I remember eating until i felt so sick. I was always bigger then all the other kids and now always bigger then everyone else.

Im
an adult now and have made some stupid choices as well. Ive managed to
put on the last 30kg all by myself no one to blame but me. My husband
comes from a family of larger frames as well and we are bad influences
oneach other at times.
Im hoping the band will break the cycle
not only for me but my kids to see what mums eating and the portion
size will hopefully help.

I am at no means trying to completely blame anyone for who i have became but I do think my parents played a role in my weight gain over the years.

I think we are all now informed enough to know how to correct the
problem and I for one know that i never want to put my children through
the ridicule i had growing up fat... So i will do anything and
everything in my power toprotect them from the addictions of food and
hope that when they are my age they have bet the obese gene pool born
and can make the right choices to prevent what seemsinevitable.

Bad influences

2008-07-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hi guys thanks so much for the comments, I really appreciated them. The last few days my weight has stayed around the 123.4-124kg mark (still on Optifast) I really don't know why its going up and down and its driving me crazy. I'm taking in very little kj and doing the gym and this is what i get. I'm nearly starving myself ( well I feel like i am on optifast)...
I felt so faint and yesterday had the same feeling that you get when
you are pregnant with morning sickness, I ended up having a grilled
fish. For some reason that made me feel better. I know ishouldn't break in and out of opti and I know I'm probably "shooting myself in my foot".... but as ive said before.. if I had perfect will power id be thin already Im doing my darn best....boy the fish was the best thing i have ever had in my life though. I nearly cried..

My husband doesn't
really realise how he has became a bad influence on me. He suggests
going out for lunch and then realises i cant but then asks me again...
I sat him down last night and told him he has to start looking after
himself and we both need torealise that going to Mcdonalds or KFC or
where ever it is we go does not have to be the places we go to to pass
time on the weekends. My two little kids yesterday just wanted to go
home for lunch and have grapes and strawberries theydidn't care if dad didn't swing by to get takeaway they just wanted fruit... (Ive hammered into their head about fruit and veggies so they are getting brought up differ rent
to me and my husband). His excuse to me was the kids were hungry..... I
think once I made him realise that we eat for reasons other then we are
hungry he vowed to never do itagain...One thing i ve learnt on opti is I have that really sad feeling that I can eat anything that I like, bread and the lapband don't go hand in hand ive been told and Im going to really miss it because that is pretty much all i eat...

I was talking to a girl on line yesterday that said that she was the same weight/bmi as me going in and didn't do any pre op diet and was fine. You then hear of the stories how people cheated in opti and didn't get the band.... I'm so confused... I don't know who's right or who's
actually being dramatic they could be actually telling us the way it
is.....My doctor did not make a big point of it being important he just
politely gave me the sheet with the info on it not to say that itisn t important.. Ive just gotta keep plotting along and taking each say as it comes, one day at a time.

Ive put my life aside for this band. Im going on a trip in October and havnt
even organised it very well. I nearly missed out on swimming with the
dolphins which i need to book 3 months before to the date... Just got
inthank goodness. The wetsuits at Seawaorld only go uto 4x so Im hoping I will fit into them fine. By then i will be banded i just hope i have great progress from the get go... If this Optifast platu is anything to go by I might be disappointed..

I know I shouldn't complain, Ive never lost 7kg before that quick. but to keep jumping on the scales everyday this week adn to see it disappear and then to just stop is a little disheartening...I will get there. i just wonder what weight i will have ot be before people start noticing the change before I start feeling like this is all worth it....

I cant wait until Can go shopping and not have to feel awlkard in a store that is not catered for me. I cant wait to see people that I havnt seen for ages once Im down 40kg

Im hoping and praying the lapband will be ALL WORTH IT.......

SETTING GOALS

2008-07-16T21:38:00.000-07:00

* To get into the teens (119kg)
*To get in the 100's
*To get to 70kg

To be able to wear pants
sleeveless tops and dresses
Jeans
nice shoes (find it hard bending over to put shoes on at my current weight so wear slip ons a lot of the time)
To shop off the rack and not at a big persons store.
To buy nice lingerie
To feel comfortable around hubby's friend
to be able to like the clothes i have chose to wear
To be able to shop at big chain stores in the smaller section
To be able to wear shirts with buttons (don't cos I'm heavy chested)
to be able to enjoy the plane trip to QLD
To be comfortable on rides
To go swimming with the dolphins
To reach my goal before my 30Th
To start netball again
To wear bathers

I'm sure there are more goals but i cant think
I will post them as i think of them.

Cravings

2008-07-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

Im hoping I can do this I really would love to just go to KFC and order a stack of food and just eat. Im beginning to think that this is an addiction even more so then i ever did before. Ive lost 6.6kg (around 12 lbs,think)
and its hard to stay focused when my 3 year old keeps making me cook
things for him... Every 5 minutes it seems hes telling me he is hungry,
hes a growing boy, but very little for his age..He must be going
through a growth spurt..cos heusually eats like a bird...

I had a craving for a mars bar and the other day it was baked beans. I dont eat either of these items much barely ever, so I dont really know what that was all about. At the moment my husband is really busy and hasnt
really said much about my weight loss, its the last thing on his mind
at the moment, I need to get money to pay for this thing.Im praying that we do in the next 2 weeks, I cant postpone this I will cry.. (as mentioned earlier)

I did the wii fit this morning for 30min my sister wasn't
well so she skipped the gym and with hubby being busy i thought I wont
make him mind the kids today. I will do the gym tomorrow.Im sure this blog is boring for most but im really only doing this for me. i guess as i get more into this I will post some pics.

There are not many people who know im getting the band. my older sister for one... I fear she will tell everyone or 1 person and then it will go thought the family. We are not really close,but its not that I really havnt told anyone. A few close friends dont even know. i may tell but in my own time. There is a fear of failure or (judgement, easy way out freaks who think that over weight people should just stop eating) and frankly I dont need it. they are not in my shoes. Another thing who ever thinks this is an easy way out should try Optifast
and 2 cups of plain veggies a day for 4 weeks and let me know what they
think. So far this has been a small version of hell... but I will get
through it.... somehow..

I cant wait until i can go into a store
and not have to get the size 26 straight away and wear what ever fits.
To have some choice would be great. i wonder if people treat you
differently when you are thinner. iwouldn't know... I do know that when
i go through the drive through i usually get "see you next time" which
makes me wonder... is it a dig at me or is it just something they
say.... The week before myOpti challenge I went to the drive through and got the same remark whee the guy said "see you next time" I said "no you wont"...... it felt good.

Anyway Im outta here.

Lapband forums

2008-07-16T03:39:00.000-07:00

Hmm i have been chatting to some people in the "yahoo lapband forums" and I can not believe how serious some people can be. When I told them I have had a bad optifast day i got a huge lecture and I could not believe it, i thought they were there for support not to be yelled at...

Anyway im one of these people that dont like to be told what to do...and with my grumpy optifast mood swings dont mess with me at the moment.
I have been doing ok I just try really hard not to think about it at all and spnd my day chewing sugar free gum.

Im interested to know just how much i will loose pre op. ive still got 3 weeks but cant expect the rapid weight loss to continue... though it would be really nice.

Im down 5.2kg YAY dont see much difference but feel better. Each day so far there seems to be a weight loss so im really suprised.. Its magical stuff this Optifast..

Today i have only had 2 optis im not hungry and will not force myself to eat anymore then i need to. my husband is sitting here with a whole block of cadbury chocolate and I would right now love to dive over the couch and grab it off him and eat the whole block!!! but I wont It will pass and i will get over it.

Im not going to deprive myself of everything when banded that is my choice. i figure that this is a life change forever and the thought of giving up chocolate makes me want to cry. In saying that i dont plan to eat the whole block either. Iwas speakng to another band patient who has lost 60kg (120lbs) and she has the odd chocolate 2-3 squares and said that its fine in modertion like anything is...

I have choose the band so that i can learn how to eat smaller (thats currently my problem).and better.
anyway going to have an early night.

Beena

2008-07-15T06:01:00.001-07:00

Sick of eating vegetables

2008-07-14T02:38:00.000-07:00

I hate veggies I never have really liked them I eat them but they are usually the last thing to go on the plate (hence why I'm
fat) It is so hard to eat them every single day and work out just how
to actually eat them and make them interesting. I cant have cheese and
sauces and gravies and all other stuff you can do to jazz them up.I'm a
bread kind of girl i love bread. I have still managed to follow this
stupid diet and I hate it. It is the worst shitty diet i have ever ever
been on.

On the up side

I'm not hungry, I feel OK, Ive lost 4.2kg (8lbs) in 6 days and I guess I'm getting use to the taste... I don't know if Ive hit ketosis because I have had the odd bite of things but I'm
doing my best and am pretty much starving myself because I cant bare
the thought of plain veggies again or the thickness of the shake. When
I say the odd bite i mean 1 thumb nail size of cheese today and that
was it and 3 babyravioli last night not proud as I promised i wouldn't do it again, but in saying that i ve gone from eating MacDonald's and kfc
and pizza and pasta in one day to virtually eating a tsp of food a day
so I'm not going to beat myself up for it and nether should anyone
else.
This addiction is hard to beat "cold turkey" (Oh i would love some turkey) that is why I'm getting the lapband.

The
last 2 weeks of this i will be really strict and know that it is my
fault for not completely following doctors orders and my business
only.I guess its between me and myself. I'm not angry with myself
anymore.Optifast has taught me to listen to my body and has made me realise that I should be able to work with the lapband like i have been working with Opifast.

I
haven't cheated to the point where I have had a complete meal Ive had a
few bite here and there 1 bite in a whole day of something. I just wish
the intense phase was not so intense and fruit was added. I could live
off fruit easy.

Anyway that's my whinge for the day.

Beena

MAD AT MYSELF...

2008-07-12T02:25:00.000-07:00

I have been raving on about how great Ive been doing on Optifast and tonight I was cooking dinner for the family
and I just without thinking ate half a slice of chicken meatloaf... I
new it was bad and stupid but I was like a wolf who had not eaten in a
week and just ate it...

I cannot believe i did that and am beating myself up as it is so anyone
who is going to lecture me spare it.... i don't need it and it really
just wont help....

I feel better though maybe not psychologically
but physically. I can only do my very best and that is all i can do...
I will not do it again. I have gone through the list of things to eat
on the opti brochure and have put together my mums recipe that is really
nice I think i might live off this for a while with the shakes. I cant
seem to get the dinner shake in at the moment that might be why I
strayed.

Tomorrow is another day and i will take this thing one step at a time...I can sit here and pretend to everyone that I am not fighting myself everyday but i am Im fighting my habbits my mind my body my lifestyle to get through this. I have had a good 29 years of bad eating and bad habbits and made very bad health choices in my life and it might take another 29 years to learn new ones.... but im willing to learn.

Yummy Capsicum recipe

1 red and 1 green capsicum sliced
1 onion sliced
half cup of green stuffed olives
2 cans of whole pealed tomatoes
half a cup of white vinegar
half a cup of water

THIS MUST BE EATEN COLD IT TASTES YUCK HOT (IN MY OPINION)
for those not on Opti its great on bread.

So you fry in 1 very small tsp of Veg oil onions capsicums
add cans of tomatoes and with a musher squash them through
then add olives, vinegar and water and simmer for 20 min or more
when veggies are soft

Put in fridge to cool over night
enjoy.

Well Im off for to the hottub.

Beena

Optivomit Day 5

2008-07-11T14:51:00.000-07:00

WOW these headaches are still going but the hunger has subsided.... I managed to cook the kids dinner and watch them eat Mcdonalds for lunch and surprised myself with the amount of will power I have, i wont even taste test food or have 1 chip Which shocked myself.

I feel a little better Ive lost 3.1kgs in 5 days (i think 6+lbs) but it will be hard staying motivated because although 3.1kg sounds great I can't help thinking there is just so much to loose and it will be a while before I feel and see a real difference.

I can only bring myself to have 2 Opitfasts instead of 3 and I know thats probably not good but i just can not get the third down. The consistency makes me want to throw up no matter how much water is in it, and I cant seem to find a really good veggie recipe containing the ingredients used in the Opti brochure, that I could tolerate but am having maybe 1 cup instead of 2 veg because Im not hungry.

Chewing gum is my saviour at the moment it seems to help get the after taste of Opti out of my mouth (sugar free of course)
Ive got a little more energy I guess that will get better everyday, and my bestfriend said that i seem happier lately, maybe because Im exercising and getting out the house.

Im trying to organise a day spa trip with her in Melbourne and my holiday to QLD and my Lap-band and helping my husband open a new business and get money in to pay for all of this.... Its been difficult and we are at a difficult part in our lives right now but If I don't think about it all it doesn't effect me.

I think with this lifestyle change once I can finally shop in a normal size store i will start to see just how much this is all worth it. Yesterday I must admit I did have a little cry because I guess I thought about it all for a minute and lets face it i love my food and am totally addicted to food. I said to my husband in my teary fit.... "Maybe i shouldn't do this I cant do this maybe I should accept my fate of maybe dieing young from being fat.. " It was a stupid thing to say but I'm not going to lie and pretend that this has not crossed my mind IS IT ALL WORTH IT!!!!!!!! I don't know because Ive never really been thin or at least happy with my weight but its something ive always wanted and always wished for when they hand me the knife to cut my birthday cake each year and ask me to make a wish.....

Beena

2008-07-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

just got back from the gym and I had a personal trainer that was more
scary then the other day. Put it this way I was stuffed when I was
finished..... which i guess is a good thing.. I hope i can keep this up

Just plotting this down for my own benefit
Food(b/l/d= breakfast/lunch dinner)

TUE Opti b/l/d 2 cups veggies 1 tsp oil/soy sauce and garlic to taste GYM Wii fit
Wed Opti b/l/d 3 cups veggies 1 tsp oil/soy sauce and garlic to taste Wii fit
THU Opti b/l/d 2 cups veggies 1 tsp oil/soy sauce and garlic to taste GYM
weight on Tuesday 130.5kg (287.7lbs)
weight on Thursday 128.7kg lost 1.8kg (nearly 4lbs) as mentioned earlier.

I couldn't believe it but i can only assume its because my body never exercises which Ive been doing or eats this little ever!!! Other diets Ive been on in the past have allowed me to eat up to 8000kj this program is under 4000kj so i guess my body is in shock.... I'm sure it wont keep coming off that quick. I just wish these headaches would go away along with the nausea and regain brain cells I have lost since Ive been taking this stuff. I cant think i cant sleep but i have been told it gets better with time...

Well done for those of you on opti that have to function and work during the day I guess its with any change in the diet though!!! doing something that the body isn't use to would make anyone feel crap..

Beena

Day 3 on Optifast

2008-07-09T15:06:00.001-07:00

WOW I feel sick i feel hungry but..... all is good.....

Thanks for your kind words both in here and on lapband talk and on Yahoo its been much needed to hear that this feeling will past is a God send. I dont know if i should cry vomit or scream...... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (it seemed easier just to scream)..

My husband decided to do Opti with me yesterday... He got to 8pm and looked at me and said....
("Beena... I have a lot of respect for you right now but im f#%$^& hungry and I need some food") So off he went and ate yummy melted cheese and ham on english muffins and there I sat with my coffee Opitfast with that lovely shitty after taste just sitting there....... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH again....

BUT there is a light at the end of the Optifast tunnel..... I have lost 1.8 kg in 2 days ( nearly 4lbs).. It would be nice to loose 30kg pre op and get down to 100kg (200lbs) so when Im banded all I have to do is loose the remaining 40-30kg (80-90lbs)
but its a dream....... and Im getting way ahead of myself...Ive managed to loose that much because i have not swayed from just eating veggies and the Opti just had the occassional piece of gum.

Anyway I have a yummy rec for those of you at this stage and can eat the 2 cups of veggies the doc ordered, and follow the foods we are allowed to eat on the Optifast brochure...Below:

snow peas
mushrooms
bok choy
toamto
low sodium soy sauce
clove of garlic
1tsp veggie oil
stirfry in the oil
eat
enjoy the only solid food you can eat for the day.......

Beena

MY FIRST DAY ON OPTIFAST

2008-07-08T04:15:00.000-07:00

OMG Im soooooooooooooo hungry I cant believe how hungry I am. I have had Opti for breakfast, lunch and tea and I feel yuck and did i mention Im freaken hungry. I had to cook the kids tacos with the nice mince meat and tomatoes and it looked really good. I asked my husband if he could cook but the kids were 2 hungry to wait for him so I did it myself...

I started the gym today as well and when i got back i was feeling great and wanted to do much more, so i jumped on the Wii Fit and did 40 minutes I just hope i can keep it going and hope i can stay focused. My tummy is rumbling but im hoping that this will settle after a few more days.

I will keep this blog posted even if its just for my own benefit..

mother in laws

2008-06-28T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hmm Mother in laws can be good but the one i have doesn't think before she speaks and although I like her she has a tendency to get quite abnoxious and rude without even knowing she is doing it.

Example number 1: My husband lost a lot of weight over 12 months and he looked great, you couldn't recognise him. Instead of saying well done she would say things like "you look almost sick being that thin."Of course all his life she had been telling him that he needed to do something about his weight.

Example number 2: "I don't want anymore grandchildren i think I have enough!!" WHAT !!! somehow I really don't think its up to her....

and of course the piece of resistonce

Example number 3: And i quote " When I met you you were so thin"
(12 years ago and 2 kids later) you have a stunning face (which was a nice compliment) but " there was a but..... with her there is always a but.....

"but if you could get off 10kg or more just even for health reasons then you would be a knockout." (mind you she is a 147kg or way over 300lbs person herself)

My response: " Well gee thanks for that......I really needed to hear that.... "AHHHHHHHHHH she drives me nuts sometimes..

She has lost 20kgs (around 40lbs) so she is suddenly an expert on healthy eating...... but at her new current weight she pretty much weighs the same as me.
Sad really......

I think I would be really really upset if there was not light at the end of the tunnel but I guess with the upcoming plans to get the band I wasn't devastated by that comment and although it did hurt and still does it would be nice to think that maybe, just maybe i would look half decent if i was 70kg (140lbs) acceptable to society and with its unfortunate discriminative ways that even myself are blind to at times......(by the way she doesn't know I'm getting the band)

The scene in the new movie "GET SMART with the overweight lady was a good one.... just thought id add that in.

Anyway I guess Ive had a few omens that worry me that sway toward not getting this done:

My husband loosing his job
The money situation
My husband lost the optifast shopping i bought so i had to buy some more.

But I feel that this is the only thing left for me to do.........
To be continued....................................................

WHAT TO DO WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN!!

2008-06-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

Ok life is going to throw us all some crazy tests along the way. When I miscarried 4 years ago that was a test I guess to see how i was going to pull myself out of the sadness it caused me. when I was telemarketing to get me through the hard times that was definitely a real bugger of a test and yesterday my husband lost his job.... Lapband life is looking grimmer and grimmer because I now do not have the money needed for the op...

For some reason and even though I have a total of ..... say $50 in our account I have every faith in my very talented husband that he will pull us right out of this and make this much better... I love him sooooooooooooo much (thought id mention that)...

So the lapband journey has already been a journey without it even being put in yet!!!

Lets see what happens
pray for me!!! to who ever it is you might wish/pray to LOL

Beena

Grumpy

2008-06-18T15:12:00.001-07:00

Woke up today really grumpy and very tired didn't get a lot of sleep. My husband changed his job and was offered a package that i thought at the time was way to good to be true, they did it just to get him to work for them because he is really great at what he does. Now they are saying just after 4 months that they are potentially going broke. So he left a perfectly good job for this one. I'm now worried i wont get the money needed for the band. I'm insured but have to put $4500 into it and get around $1200 back through medicare (The way us Aussies do things) I haven't really saved much at all and Ive got 2 pays to get it in.

AHHHHHHHHH!!! not only that but I'm off to Queensland on a holiday in October and we have other families that we organised it with and i don't want to put them out if we don't go....

I haven't had a lot of sleep so i need to make sure I'm extra patient with the kids today because its not their fault I'm tired. Anyway there is only so much you can do with two small kids and no money and i think Ive done them all this week, so when the cartoons are over off to the craft box for some hand making puppets. YAY

Beena

Groundhog day

2008-06-11T01:34:00.000-07:00

Today was another day 1 day closer to lapband surgery one day closer to opitfast drinking one day closer to my life changing experience.....

I titled it Groundhog day because at the moment my days seem to be a repetitive cycle of getting out of bed feeding the kids palying with the kids watching tv waitiing for my husband to come home chatting then bed. Only to be repeaated the very next day..

I havnt got a stack of friends I choose qualitty over quanitiy and so I find myself falling in a dark hole which i think is why the weight has spiraled out of control.
Last night there was a show on called medical stories and there was what they call super morbidly obese people who were bedridden and were getting gastric bypass. Its strange some of theese people were 400+ lbs (over 250kg) and i kept thinking what they would give to be my weight MY WEIGHT!!! At least they could move around and go to the movies and play with their kids,its a strange thought but its true.

I sadly could really relate to these stories and to why they got that big and i think if i keep going there will be a point in my life where the weight will effect me more so where I will be physically unable to do thinks with my kids.

My weight is effecting me mentally but i guess the small change Ive noitced physically is not bothering to buy a good pair closed in shoes. Im always in "slip ons" so i dont have to bend over and put on socks. Its effecting my feet they are becoming cut Im only 29 and this is already affecting me. i see a relative of mine struggling with their weight and they are way in there 70's and i think im only 29 and im having this problem now. If i make it to 70 at this weight im really going to be bedridden.

Todays thoughts

2008-06-05T23:03:00.000-07:00

Wow Ive been on line checking out people who hate their band and its a worry. Thats one of my fears is it all worth it.I mean I looooooooove my food and thats the problem. I also love my kids and my husband and want to be around for a long time.... Lets face it Ive only gotten bigger over the past 15 years no matter how many diets Ive been on. Then there are the positive stories which I like to hear so i should focus on what it is i really want and why im doing this.

Anyway I noticed that there are other flavours in the optifast range so I guess I better try them, dont wanna buy a huge box and waste my money so if anyone has tasted them let me know whats good.

Got a sore throat today went to the doctors feeling crap but have the Michael Buble concert tonight so have to be a trooper and take some painadol. Thank God its Friday..... Met some more Aussies on you tube who are getting banded which is so great because they know what i mean when i say kg which is always a bonus, but i love hearing from everyone from all over its great.

well Im going to go and get ready Im going to put on my size 22 dress
(should really be 26 but it fits) and try to hide my fat under makeup and hope that i look remotely attractive. (I can pretend)..... Hoping and praying that this time next year I will be in a size 14. Thats another thing about being fat, for such a big fun night you would think that I would of went on a big girly shopping spree and frocked up with new shoes and jewelery and a nice new outfit but because I hate hate hate shopping for myself Im left with going through the closet and grabbing something that Ive had for ages.

Dont get me wrong Ive still got the "women loves shopping gene" that all us girls inherited from way back, but for me its more about shopping for my kids then myself and i can not wait until I enjoy shopping for clothes off the rack instead of the "fat chick stores"
(im sure my husband can)

Time to think...

2008-06-04T23:41:00.000-07:00

I hate boring days where you wake up and there is absolutely nothing planned for the day. Im car less today and with two kids and the rain not alot we can do but read books play games and watch cartoons. I love doing all this with my boys but because there is little or no adult conversation during the day I find myself thinking way to much....

Leaving me alone with my thoughts at the moment is really not the answer. Am I doing the right thing getting the band? Will it work? will it make my life hell? and my main worry is have I got what it takes to motivate myself and stick to the rules? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I think im depressed today because Im stuck at home and my husband as loving as he is just doesn't get it!!!! I should probably see a therapist or something Im hoping it will pass...

I was watching you tube and there was a gastric bypass patient that said that she hadn't lost in a few weeks and actually put on she was devastated i felt so bad for her and know that this would be my nightmare. Im sure i will get people lecturing me about how i need to work with the band and the band is a tool and blah blah blah.... Im just expressing concern that im sure everyone who is considering this has had one stage or another.

I tried the chocolate shake today!!! Who knew chocolate could taste so shit!!!! i was shocked they managed to make chocolate a food that could never ever possibly taste bad no matter what taste funky with a distinct after taste that no one should ever be forced to have no matter how bad they are . I may be fat but Im not a bad person... at least I dont think i am.........

Anyway good luck to you all.
Beena

to tell or not to tell

2008-06-03T17:16:00.001-07:00

What a personal journey I have started, so personal that Ive decided to keep it to myself close friends and a few family members, and of course the entire Internet!!! Lets just say my name ain't BEENA!!!!

Ive done some soul searching as cheesy as it sounds as to why on earth I actually eat so much.... Even when I had a tummy bug I was looking in the fridge until I stopped and said WHAT AM I DOING!!!!

I think those of you considering weight loss surgery need to really assess why it is you eat.
(other then for the obvious reasons of course). I'm still learning and still fighting myself each day but its so easy to just block it out which I think I'm still doing as we speak. I'm hoping that the band will help me understand myself more and help me to overcome this. Of course I need to do the work.

I had a huge argument with a family member about telling the gym instructor about my plans for the band. It was done innocently and I understand that but a situation came about that made me rethink this persons trust (and I should not of questioned it I know her better then that) So what happened was I went to have a trial run at the gym and the particular staff member broadcasted it to another staff member that I was getting the band and she should manage me because she is somewhat an expert. That was OK but there was a mothers group member at the gym that is little miss gossip!!! and I only hoped she did not hear because it will be all over town....

I confronted my family member and asked her if she had told anyone else and the war began. She assumed i was accusing her of being a big mouth and i got all fired up because I feel that its my decision to tell. She said that she thought the gym would of found out anyway when I joined but I disagree because I'm not sure if I would of told them. Anyway to cut a long story short we have solved the problem and all if forgiven.

My point is you can not un tell people so be careful who you confide in and make it very clear to those who you do tell as to how important this is to you. I blame myself not my family member.... and i would tell her again if i had a chance to rewind because i trust her it was just an innosent situation. I may tell everyone I may tell no one but its up to me to tell...

I tried Optifast

2008-06-03T16:58:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone.

Today i bought Optifast the liquid shake the doctor wants me to drink for a month. Right now I'm sitting here trying the Vanilla shake.

I'm very surprised I don't think it is as bad as Ive read on line but I can understand if you drink anything 7 days a week 3 times a day it could get really upsetting. At least at this stage i can have it with toast and vegemite (us Aussies and our vegimite) only because I'm just trying out the flavours to get myself prepared for the month. Once i start the full month which commences 1 month before my operation well HMMM lets just say it may be a different story.... I also decided to join a gym yesterday which I will start next month as well! I'm not sure if Ive done the right thing joining for a whole year but I know I need to do some form of exercise the band wont work by itself, well it might but I figure why go to all the trouble and not help it do its job...

SLEEP TEST

2008-06-03T01:53:00.000-07:00

Ok so dont be fooled by what may seem to be the easiest test in the world right!!! I mean all you gotta do is fall a sleep!!! seems easy enough!!! well i guess it would be if you didnt have "big brother watching"I was advised to go have a sleep test which was to see if I had sleep apnea
(you stop breathing in your sleep). It involved staying overnight in hospital hooked up with what seemed to be 1000 cords they were up my nose in my hair on my legs on my neck just everywhere.. Once i was ready to go to sleep I was watched via a camera that was in the room by sleep specialists. 1st of all the staff were fantastic and made me feel comfortable I was a bit freaked out by the camera and the cords up my nose but i think the worse thing was the clamp on my finger it was driving me crazy, not to mention that the heater in the hospital was up to much and i was really hot.

I didn't get as lot of sleep but it was enough to make a report and verify that I have a small slight case of sleep apnea but nothing to be concerned about. Weight loss will fix it before it gets out of hand. Anyway for those of you that have to get a sleep test it was surprisingly not as bad as i thought it was going to be.

So far the process June 2008

2008-06-03T01:33:00.001-07:00

Its taken me a good year to make the final phone call that would have me meeting the surgeon. I rang and cancelled and rang and cancelled 3 times. Its different for every doctor on how they approach there patients. Some have exercise therapists some have psychologists some don't. My Doctor will be my soul point of contact through this journey so I'm hoping Ive made the right choice to go with him.

Ive met the dietitian and I have joined a gym today where there just happens to be an exercise therapist who deals with lap band patients. (lucky!!!). I realised that I enjoyed exercise something I haven't said for a while. My main concern is my kids i have to organise day care for the few hours a week i will be in the gym.

I have been advised to do Optifast for 4 weeks prior surgery, i believe this shrinks the liver and makes it easier for the surgeon to operate so its vital that i do this. I apologise in advance to anyone who is going to be around me because I know lack of food with turn me into a awful person. (some surgeons say 2 weeks or 3 or less or more once again it depends on the doctor and I guess your BMI) I also had to do a sleep test I will do a separate blog on this later.

So now I'm at the waiting stage where I'm waiting for the surgery........... wish me luck..........

About me

2008-06-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

Hello all, Im a 29 year old mother of two who has recently made a huge step to change my life. On the 7th of August 2008 Im going to get LAPBAND SURGERY.

Now im sure there are some people out there that will find this a completely drasic move and I can tell you i once too was in the same frame of mind. When I was in my 20's a and 105kg(231lbs) I was told by a doctor that I should go get this done and I remember running out of the room crying and very insulted.

I have somewhat been living in denyal about my weight but at the same time its something I have struggled with for ever, even my mum would say that I was always in bigger clothes then all the other kids even in kindergarden.

My husband seems to think the world of me no matter what but my heart knows that ive managed to let myself go even more into weight gain hell, Im now 153cm and 132kg(291lbs) with a BMI of 56.....

There are no excuses here just plain old fashioned habbits that I have not corrected over time. Its funny I dont really see myself as really unfit or huge but when i put it down on paper like this its shocking....

I have done every diet I can think of and have managed to loose 20kg(44lbs) here and there only to gain 30kg back each time. I spend the first half of the year dieting and the second half gaining it all back.....

I have decided to blog my progress for others who may want some imput on this process, and for genuine readers who have no judgement on me or my decision. I applause those of you in the world who have had successful weight loss with out surgery but Im at the end of my rope with this. The final decision to do this came when I found a book I had from 1999 from a main stream weight loss centre it charted my weight and my weight loss. It woke me up and just made me realise how long i have been fighting myself and my food habits without any form of real success.

I really dont know at this stage whether the lapband is going to be a positvie or a negative change in my life but Im willing to give it a try for me, my husband and my kids so they can see the person that I can really be once i gain cofidence and health.