My very first blog way back in June 2008 !!! Wow how far I have come

About me
Hello all, I'm a 29 year old mother of two who has recently made a huge step to change my life. On the 7th of August 2008 Im going to get LAPBAND SURGERY.

Now I'm sure there are some people out there that will find this a completely drastic move and I can tell you i once too was in the same frame of mind. When I was in my 20's a and 105kg(231lbs) I was told by a doctor that I should go get this done and I remember running out of the room crying and very insulted.

I have somewhat been living in denial about my weight but at the same time its something I have struggled with for ever, even my mum would say that I was always in bigger clothes then all the other kids even in kinder garden.

My husband seems to think the world of me no matter what but my heart knows that Ive managed to let myself go even more into weight gain hell, I'm now 153cm and 132kg(291lbs) with a BMI of 56.....

There are no excuses here just plain old fashioned habits that I have not corrected over time. Its funny I don't really see myself as really unfit or huge but when i put it down on paper like this its shocking....

I have done every diet I can think of and have managed to loose 20kg(44lbs) here and there only to gain 30kg back each time. I spend the first half of the year dieting and the second half gaining it all back.....

I have decided to blog my progress for others who may want some input on this process, and for genuine readers who have no judgement on me or my decision. I applause those of you in the world who have had successful weight loss with out surgery but I'm at the end of my rope with this. The final decision to do this came when I found a book I had from 1999 from a main stream weight loss centre it charted my weight and my weight loss. It woke me up and just made me realise how long i have been fighting myself and my food habits without any form of real success.

I really don't know at this stage whether the lap band is going to be a positive or a negative change in my life but I'm willing to give it a try for me, my husband and my kids so they can see the person that I can really be once i gain confidence and health.

JAN 2009
Wow i look at this and hope that I have been able to reach out to those of you who are feeling the same way preband!! I'm 32 kg lighter and Ive gone from a size 26plus!!! to a 16 to 18! (still on the journey) but Never in a million years did I think that I would be able to get this far. I got to the point where I had excepted my life and my fate to be extra large for ever. It was who Iam and that was that!!! Im still big but not feeling out of place like I use to in the world, not worried I'm going to break a restaurant chair or that a little kid is going to ask why that lady is so fat. I'm not worried that in the train when there is one seat left the old lady would rather stand then sit next to me ( the fatty on the train) all this makes life worth living. I'm still 132.5kg in my mind sometimes and I order like a fat girl even with the band
(I guess old habits never die) but the band is the little angel on my shoulder that stops me from going overboard. That makes the final decision for me.... And that is exactly what a person like me needed I can only speak for myself. Everyones journeys are different and there has been times I have wished I never got this way so I didnt need the band, but facing reality has been the hardest and I guess we all live and learn.


Beena