Op paid for

Well I was worried i wouldnt have the money in time for my op but all is well and paid for.

It just seems to make it all real now.

Ive been feeling fairly down and out lately, i really dont know if it is because no one really understands where my head is at or if its just cos im worried about the op, or mainly about the rest of my life with the band. I think im down because Im struggling to cope on optifast and hate not being able to eat..... I just hope im doing the right thing for myself and my family.

Today i took my boys to a playcentre and climbed the slide and jumped on the jumping castle with them. Something I have not done for a long time. I dont know if it was the 8.5kg lost that gave me some sort of silly confidence but it was pretty funny.

I guess when Im banded and Ive lost a stack more i will be actually go down the slide which is something i didnt do.

Ive got a really bad cold and not being able to eat is making me feel shit. I went on yahoo chat and spoke to some people who didnt need to do pre op optifast, and i t made me feel better. i was worried that they wouldnt do the op if id had the od cheat. Ive got 2 weeks to go and have been sticking to it like crazy.. i hate it but i gotta do it.


Beena

Sick to death of OPTIFAST

I have had it im so bloody sick of this vile shit....

The sweet taste is making me sick the soup has a yucky after taste, the bars taste like cheap shitty chocolate. My tummy is making noises not because Im hungry but because its upset....

Im not hungry just sick and tired of this stuff. I have been on every diet known to man but never a "shake diet" for good reason!!!!! This is not human this is not right....

Only 2 more weeks of this crap to go and counting AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Sorry just venting, just having a bad day Im sure tomorrow will be better.... I hope

Feeling sick on Optifast

Im at 2 weeks now on Optifast and I must say I havnt been hungry but I
have been feeling fairly unwell. i guess the best way to describe it is
the feeling you get when you see something that makes you sick, except
I feel like that all day long. Like when you are pregnant and certain
smells make you feel ill, kind of like that.

I was shopping at the supermarket yesterday and had a dizzy spell, my husband suggested i eat something other then Opti.
I hate walking through the supermarket looking at things
to eat and not being able to eat them, its a strange feeling, I spent
the most part grabbing tinned soup reading the back of them and hoping
to find something i could eat other then veggies and Opti... but no go...

I had the usual Sunday dinner with my parents and family, and I couldnt eat anything (well the good stuff anyway). Dad made me the veggies that I was able to have but i ended up stirfrying a frozen packet that had some sauce with it.

Only 2 weeks to go and Im really hoping im doing the right thing. My weight has stayed put on 7.2kg over the last few days which is frustrating,but better then nothing..


Beena

Food and the way I was raised

I look back now and see that I can honestly say that my parents food choice's for me growing up has played a huge factor in the way i am now and am trying my very best to change that for my kids.

I remember my mum coming to my primary school with fish n chips every
Wednesday and after school having 2 rolls with thick cheese lots of
butter and ham every day only to have a big plate of pasta steak chips
what ever she was cooking with lots of salt and going for seconds.

I was always praised for eating and there was no restrictions on food in
the house. Easter I would sit and eat all my chocolate and I still
do....and Christmas eat every meat there was.

I was put on all sorts of diets and never told i was pretty, or even told i was loosing the weight when I was on them, just "your getting there". Even now my dad tries to pass over the leftovers at our Sunday dinner even when we have all had huge amounts of food. "I'm full" he says, "but look the res plenty there finish it off".

It has never been out of spite though all its food, but given to me out of love.. Always wanting your kids to be fed and looked after and satisfied. We spent nearly every Wednesday night eating Chinese and Mcdonalds after mum and dad would finish their weekly game of ten pin bowling.

Its
only now that Ive had my own kids that i have stopped to think what I
wish they could of done differently. I know I was a reallystubborn kid, but i think it starts from birth. I really dont know how my kids will end up I can only do my best. Its hard to break the cycle of how we have been taught to eat along with the gene factor.

I remember eating until i felt so sick. I was always bigger then all the other kids and now always bigger then everyone else.

Im
an adult now and have made some stupid choices as well. Ive managed to
put on the last 30kg all by myself no one to blame but me. My husband
comes from a family of larger frames as well and we are bad influences
oneach other at times.
Im hoping the band will break the cycle
not only for me but my kids to see what mums eating and the portion
size will hopefully help.

I am at no means trying to completely blame anyone for who i have became but I do think my parents played a role in my weight gain over the years.


I think we are all now informed enough to know how to correct the
problem and I for one know that i never want to put my children through
the ridicule i had growing up fat... So i will do anything and
everything in my power toprotect them from the addictions of food and
hope that when they are my age they have bet the obese gene pool born
and can make the right choices to prevent what seemsinevitable.

Bad influences

Hi guys thanks so much for the comments, I really appreciated them. The last few days my weight has stayed around the 123.4-124kg mark (still on Optifast) I really don't know why its going up and down and its driving me crazy. I'm taking in very little kj and doing the gym and this is what i get. I'm nearly starving myself ( well I feel like i am on optifast)...
I felt so faint and yesterday had the same feeling that you get when
you are pregnant with morning sickness, I ended up having a grilled
fish. For some reason that made me feel better. I know ishouldn't break in and out of opti and I know I'm probably "shooting myself in my foot".... but as ive said before.. if I had perfect will power id be thin already Im doing my darn best....boy the fish was the best thing i have ever had in my life though. I nearly cried..

My husband doesn't
really realise how he has became a bad influence on me. He suggests
going out for lunch and then realises i cant but then asks me again...
I sat him down last night and told him he has to start looking after
himself and we both need torealise that going to Mcdonalds or KFC or
where ever it is we go does not have to be the places we go to to pass
time on the weekends. My two little kids yesterday just wanted to go
home for lunch and have grapes and strawberries theydidn't care if dad didn't swing by to get takeaway they just wanted fruit... (Ive hammered into their head about fruit and veggies so they are getting brought up differ rent
to me and my husband). His excuse to me was the kids were hungry..... I
think once I made him realise that we eat for reasons other then we are
hungry he vowed to never do itagain...One thing i ve learnt on opti is I have that really sad feeling that I can eat anything that I like, bread and the lapband don't go hand in hand ive been told and Im going to really miss it because that is pretty much all i eat...

I was talking to a girl on line yesterday that said that she was the same weight/bmi as me going in and didn't do any pre op diet and was fine. You then hear of the stories how people cheated in opti and didn't get the band.... I'm so confused... I don't know who's right or who's
actually being dramatic they could be actually telling us the way it
is.....My doctor did not make a big point of it being important he just
politely gave me the sheet with the info on it not to say that itisn t important.. Ive just gotta keep plotting along and taking each say as it comes, one day at a time.


Ive put my life aside for this band. Im going on a trip in October and havnt
even organised it very well. I nearly missed out on swimming with the
dolphins which i need to book 3 months before to the date... Just got
inthank goodness. The wetsuits at Seawaorld only go uto 4x so Im hoping I will fit into them fine. By then i will be banded i just hope i have great progress from the get go... If this Optifast platu is anything to go by I might be disappointed..


I know I shouldn't complain, Ive never lost 7kg before that quick. but to keep jumping on the scales everyday this week adn to see it disappear and then to just stop is a little disheartening...I will get there. i just wonder what weight i will have ot be before people start noticing the change before I start feeling like this is all worth it....

I cant wait until Can go shopping and not have to feel awlkard in a store that is not catered for me. I cant wait to see people that I havnt seen for ages once Im down 40kg

Im hoping and praying the lapband will be ALL WORTH IT.......

SETTING GOALS

* To get into the teens (119kg)
*To get in the 100's
*To get to 70kg

To be able to wear pants
sleeveless tops and dresses
Jeans
nice shoes (find it hard bending over to put shoes on at my current weight so wear slip ons a lot of the time)
To shop off the rack and not at a big persons store.
To buy nice lingerie
To feel comfortable around hubby's friend
to be able to like the clothes i have chose to wear
To be able to shop at big chain stores in the smaller section
To be able to wear shirts with buttons (don't cos I'm heavy chested)
to be able to enjoy the plane trip to QLD
To be comfortable on rides
To go swimming with the dolphins
To reach my goal before my 30Th
To start netball again
To wear bathers

I'm sure there are more goals but i cant think
I will post them as i think of them.

Cravings

Im hoping I can do this I really would love to just go to KFC and order a stack of food and just eat. Im beginning to think that this is an addiction even more so then i ever did before. Ive lost 6.6kg (around 12 lbs,think)
and its hard to stay focused when my 3 year old keeps making me cook
things for him... Every 5 minutes it seems hes telling me he is hungry,
hes a growing boy, but very little for his age..He must be going
through a growth spurt..cos heusually eats like a bird...

I had a craving for a mars bar and the other day it was baked beans. I dont eat either of these items much barely ever, so I dont really know what that was all about. At the moment my husband is really busy and hasnt
really said much about my weight loss, its the last thing on his mind
at the moment, I need to get money to pay for this thing.Im praying that we do in the next 2 weeks, I cant postpone this I will cry.. (as mentioned earlier)

I did the wii fit this morning for 30min my sister wasn't
well so she skipped the gym and with hubby being busy i thought I wont
make him mind the kids today. I will do the gym tomorrow.Im sure this blog is boring for most but im really only doing this for me. i guess as i get more into this I will post some pics.

There are not many people who know im getting the band. my older sister for one... I fear she will tell everyone or 1 person and then it will go thought the family. We are not really close,but its not that I really havnt told anyone. A few close friends dont even know. i may tell but in my own time. There is a fear of failure or (judgement, easy way out freaks who think that over weight people should just stop eating) and frankly I dont need it. they are not in my shoes. Another thing who ever thinks this is an easy way out should try Optifast
and 2 cups of plain veggies a day for 4 weeks and let me know what they
think. So far this has been a small version of hell... but I will get
through it.... somehow..

I cant wait until i can go into a store
and not have to get the size 26 straight away and wear what ever fits.
To have some choice would be great. i wonder if people treat you
differently when you are thinner. iwouldn't know... I do know that when
i go through the drive through i usually get "see you next time" which
makes me wonder... is it a dig at me or is it just something they
say.... The week before myOpti challenge I went to the drive through and got the same remark whee the guy said "see you next time" I said "no you wont"...... it felt good.

Anyway Im outta here.

Lapband forums

Hmm i have been chatting to some people in the "yahoo lapband forums" and I can not believe how serious some people can be. When I told them I have had a bad optifast day i got a huge lecture and I could not believe it, i thought they were there for support not to be yelled at...

Anyway im one of these people that dont like to be told what to do...and with my grumpy optifast mood swings dont mess with me at the moment.
I have been doing ok I just try really hard not to think about it at all and spnd my day chewing sugar free gum.

Im interested to know just how much i will loose pre op. ive still got 3 weeks but cant expect the rapid weight loss to continue... though it would be really nice.

Im down 5.2kg YAY dont see much difference but feel better. Each day so far there seems to be a weight loss so im really suprised.. Its magical stuff this Optifast..

Today i have only had 2 optis im not hungry and will not force myself to eat anymore then i need to. my husband is sitting here with a whole block of cadbury chocolate and I would right now love to dive over the couch and grab it off him and eat the whole block!!! but I wont It will pass and i will get over it.

Im not going to deprive myself of everything when banded that is my choice. i figure that this is a life change forever and the thought of giving up chocolate makes me want to cry. In saying that i dont plan to eat the whole block either. Iwas speakng to another band patient who has lost 60kg (120lbs) and she has the odd chocolate 2-3 squares and said that its fine in modertion like anything is...

I have choose the band so that i can learn how to eat smaller (thats currently my problem).and better.
anyway going to have an early night.

Beena

Sick of eating vegetables

I hate veggies I never have really liked them I eat them but they are usually the last thing to go on the plate (hence why I'm
fat) It is so hard to eat them every single day and work out just how
to actually eat them and make them interesting. I cant have cheese and
sauces and gravies and all other stuff you can do to jazz them up.I'm a
bread kind of girl i love bread. I have still managed to follow this
stupid diet and I hate it. It is the worst shitty diet i have ever ever
been on.

On the up side

I'm not hungry, I feel OK, Ive lost 4.2kg (8lbs) in 6 days and I guess I'm getting use to the taste... I don't know if Ive hit ketosis because I have had the odd bite of things but I'm
doing my best and am pretty much starving myself because I cant bare
the thought of plain veggies again or the thickness of the shake. When
I say the odd bite i mean 1 thumb nail size of cheese today and that
was it and 3 babyravioli last night not proud as I promised i wouldn't do it again, but in saying that i ve gone from eating MacDonald's and kfc
and pizza and pasta in one day to virtually eating a tsp of food a day
so I'm not going to beat myself up for it and nether should anyone
else.
This addiction is hard to beat "cold turkey" (Oh i would love some turkey) that is why I'm getting the lapband.


The
last 2 weeks of this i will be really strict and know that it is my
fault for not completely following doctors orders and my business
only.I guess its between me and myself. I'm not angry with myself
anymore.Optifast has taught me to listen to my body and has made me realise that I should be able to work with the lapband like i have been working with Opifast.

I
haven't cheated to the point where I have had a complete meal Ive had a
few bite here and there 1 bite in a whole day of something. I just wish
the intense phase was not so intense and fruit was added. I could live
off fruit easy.

Anyway that's my whinge for the day.

Beena

MAD AT MYSELF...

I have been raving on about how great Ive been doing on Optifast and tonight I was cooking dinner for the family
and I just without thinking ate half a slice of chicken meatloaf... I
new it was bad and stupid but I was like a wolf who had not eaten in a
week and just ate it...

I cannot believe i did that and am beating myself up as it is so anyone
who is going to lecture me spare it.... i don't need it and it really
just wont help....

I feel better though maybe not psychologically
but physically. I can only do my very best and that is all i can do...
I will not do it again. I have gone through the list of things to eat
on the opti brochure and have put together my mums recipe that is really
nice I think i might live off this for a while with the shakes. I cant
seem to get the dinner shake in at the moment that might be why I
strayed.

Tomorrow is another day and i will take this thing one step at a time...I can sit here and pretend to everyone that I am not fighting myself everyday but i am Im fighting my habbits my mind my body my lifestyle to get through this. I have had a good 29 years of bad eating and bad habbits and made very bad health choices in my life and it might take another 29 years to learn new ones.... but im willing to learn.

Yummy Capsicum recipe

1 red and 1 green capsicum sliced
1 onion sliced
half cup of green stuffed olives
2 cans of whole pealed tomatoes
half a cup of white vinegar
half a cup of water

THIS MUST BE EATEN COLD IT TASTES YUCK HOT (IN MY OPINION)
for those not on Opti its great on bread.

So you fry in 1 very small tsp of Veg oil onions capsicums
add cans of tomatoes and with a musher squash them through
then add olives, vinegar and water and simmer for 20 min or more
when veggies are soft

Put in fridge to cool over night
enjoy.

Well Im off for to the hottub.


Beena

Optivomit Day 5

WOW these headaches are still going but the hunger has subsided.... I managed to cook the kids dinner and watch them eat Mcdonalds for lunch and surprised myself with the amount of will power I have, i wont even taste test food or have 1 chip Which shocked myself.

I feel a little better Ive lost 3.1kgs in 5 days (i think 6+lbs) but it will be hard staying motivated because although 3.1kg sounds great I can't help thinking there is just so much to loose and it will be a while before I feel and see a real difference.

I can only bring myself to have 2 Opitfasts instead of 3 and I know thats probably not good but i just can not get the third down. The consistency makes me want to throw up no matter how much water is in it, and I cant seem to find a really good veggie recipe containing the ingredients used in the Opti brochure, that I could tolerate but am having maybe 1 cup instead of 2 veg because Im not hungry.

Chewing gum is my saviour at the moment it seems to help get the after taste of Opti out of my mouth (sugar free of course)
Ive got a little more energy I guess that will get better everyday, and my bestfriend said that i seem happier lately, maybe because Im exercising and getting out the house.

Im trying to organise a day spa trip with her in Melbourne and my holiday to QLD and my Lap-band and helping my husband open a new business and get money in to pay for all of this.... Its been difficult and we are at a difficult part in our lives right now but If I don't think about it all it doesn't effect me.

I think with this lifestyle change once I can finally shop in a normal size store i will start to see just how much this is all worth it. Yesterday I must admit I did have a little cry because I guess I thought about it all for a minute and lets face it i love my food and am totally addicted to food. I said to my husband in my teary fit.... "Maybe i shouldn't do this I cant do this maybe I should accept my fate of maybe dieing young from being fat.. " It was a stupid thing to say but I'm not going to lie and pretend that this has not crossed my mind IS IT ALL WORTH IT!!!!!!!! I don't know because Ive never really been thin or at least happy with my weight but its something ive always wanted and always wished for when they hand me the knife to cut my birthday cake each year and ask me to make a wish.....

Beena

just got back from the gym and I had a personal trainer that was more
scary then the other day. Put it this way I was stuffed when I was
finished..... which i guess is a good thing.. I hope i can keep this up



Just plotting this down for my own benefit
Food(b/l/d= breakfast/lunch dinner)

TUE Opti b/l/d 2 cups veggies 1 tsp oil/soy sauce and garlic to taste GYM Wii fit
Wed Opti b/l/d 3 cups veggies 1 tsp oil/soy sauce and garlic to taste Wii fit
THU Opti b/l/d 2 cups veggies 1 tsp oil/soy sauce and garlic to taste GYM
weight on Tuesday 130.5kg (287.7lbs)
weight on Thursday 128.7kg lost 1.8kg (nearly 4lbs) as mentioned earlier.

I couldn't believe it but i can only assume its because my body never exercises which Ive been doing or eats this little ever!!! Other diets Ive been on in the past have allowed me to eat up to 8000kj this program is under 4000kj so i guess my body is in shock.... I'm sure it wont keep coming off that quick. I just wish these headaches would go away along with the nausea and regain brain cells I have lost since Ive been taking this stuff. I cant think i cant sleep but i have been told it gets better with time...

Well done for those of you on opti that have to function and work during the day I guess its with any change in the diet though!!! doing something that the body isn't use to would make anyone feel crap..


Beena

Day 3 on Optifast

WOW I feel sick i feel hungry but..... all is good.....

Thanks for your kind words both in here and on lapband talk and on Yahoo its been much needed to hear that this feeling will past is a God send. I dont know if i should cry vomit or scream...... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (it seemed easier just to scream)..

My husband decided to do Opti with me yesterday... He got to 8pm and looked at me and said....
("Beena... I have a lot of respect for you right now but im f#%$^& hungry and I need some food") So off he went and ate yummy melted cheese and ham on english muffins and there I sat with my coffee Opitfast with that lovely shitty after taste just sitting there....... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH again....

BUT there is a light at the end of the Optifast tunnel..... I have lost 1.8 kg in 2 days ( nearly 4lbs).. It would be nice to loose 30kg pre op and get down to 100kg (200lbs) so when Im banded all I have to do is loose the remaining 40-30kg (80-90lbs)
but its a dream....... and Im getting way ahead of myself...Ive managed to loose that much because i have not swayed from just eating veggies and the Opti just had the occassional piece of gum.

Anyway I have a yummy rec for those of you at this stage and can eat the 2 cups of veggies the doc ordered, and follow the foods we are allowed to eat on the Optifast brochure...Below:

snow peas
mushrooms
bok choy
toamto
low sodium soy sauce
clove of garlic
1tsp veggie oil
stirfry in the oil
eat
enjoy the only solid food you can eat for the day.......

Beena

MY FIRST DAY ON OPTIFAST

OMG Im soooooooooooooo hungry I cant believe how hungry I am. I have had Opti for breakfast, lunch and tea and I feel yuck and did i mention Im freaken hungry. I had to cook the kids tacos with the nice mince meat and tomatoes and it looked really good. I asked my husband if he could cook but the kids were 2 hungry to wait for him so I did it myself...

I started the gym today as well and when i got back i was feeling great and wanted to do much more, so i jumped on the Wii Fit and did 40 minutes I just hope i can keep it going and hope i can stay focused. My tummy is rumbling but im hoping that this will settle after a few more days.

I will keep this blog posted even if its just for my own benefit..