mother in laws

Hmm Mother in laws can be good but the one i have doesn't think before she speaks and although I like her she has a tendency to get quite abnoxious and rude without even knowing she is doing it.

Example number 1: My husband lost a lot of weight over 12 months and he looked great, you couldn't recognise him. Instead of saying well done she would say things like "you look almost sick being that thin."Of course all his life she had been telling him that he needed to do something about his weight.

Example number 2: "I don't want anymore grandchildren i think I have enough!!" WHAT !!! somehow I really don't think its up to her....

and of course the piece of resistonce

Example number 3: And i quote " When I met you you were so thin"
(12 years ago and 2 kids later) you have a stunning face (which was a nice compliment) but " there was a but..... with her there is always a but.....

"but if you could get off 10kg or more just even for health reasons then you would be a knockout." (mind you she is a 147kg or way over 300lbs person herself)

My response: " Well gee thanks for that......I really needed to hear that.... "AHHHHHHHHHH she drives me nuts sometimes..

She has lost 20kgs (around 40lbs) so she is suddenly an expert on healthy eating...... but at her new current weight she pretty much weighs the same as me.
Sad really......

I think I would be really really upset if there was not light at the end of the tunnel but I guess with the upcoming plans to get the band I wasn't devastated by that comment and although it did hurt and still does it would be nice to think that maybe, just maybe i would look half decent if i was 70kg (140lbs) acceptable to society and with its unfortunate discriminative ways that even myself are blind to at times......(by the way she doesn't know I'm getting the band)

The scene in the new movie "GET SMART with the overweight lady was a good one.... just thought id add that in.

Anyway I guess Ive had a few omens that worry me that sway toward not getting this done:

My husband loosing his job
The money situation
My husband lost the optifast shopping i bought so i had to buy some more.

But I feel that this is the only thing left for me to do.........
To be continued....................................................

WHAT TO DO WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN!!

Ok life is going to throw us all some crazy tests along the way. When I miscarried 4 years ago that was a test I guess to see how i was going to pull myself out of the sadness it caused me. when I was telemarketing to get me through the hard times that was definitely a real bugger of a test and yesterday my husband lost his job.... Lapband life is looking grimmer and grimmer because I now do not have the money needed for the op...

For some reason and even though I have a total of ..... say $50 in our account I have every faith in my very talented husband that he will pull us right out of this and make this much better... I love him sooooooooooooo much (thought id mention that)...

So the lapband journey has already been a journey without it even being put in yet!!!

Lets see what happens
pray for me!!! to who ever it is you might wish/pray to LOL

Beena

Grumpy

Woke up today really grumpy and very tired didn't get a lot of sleep. My husband changed his job and was offered a package that i thought at the time was way to good to be true, they did it just to get him to work for them because he is really great at what he does. Now they are saying just after 4 months that they are potentially going broke. So he left a perfectly good job for this one. I'm now worried i wont get the money needed for the band. I'm insured but have to put $4500 into it and get around $1200 back through medicare (The way us Aussies do things) I haven't really saved much at all and Ive got 2 pays to get it in.

AHHHHHHHHH!!! not only that but I'm off to Queensland on a holiday in October and we have other families that we organised it with and i don't want to put them out if we don't go....

I haven't had a lot of sleep so i need to make sure I'm extra patient with the kids today because its not their fault I'm tired. Anyway there is only so much you can do with two small kids and no money and i think Ive done them all this week, so when the cartoons are over off to the craft box for some hand making puppets. YAY

Beena

Groundhog day

Today was another day 1 day closer to lapband surgery one day closer to opitfast drinking one day closer to my life changing experience.....

I titled it Groundhog day because at the moment my days seem to be a repetitive cycle of getting out of bed feeding the kids palying with the kids watching tv waitiing for my husband to come home chatting then bed. Only to be repeaated the very next day..

I havnt got a stack of friends I choose qualitty over quanitiy and so I find myself falling in a dark hole which i think is why the weight has spiraled out of control.
Last night there was a show on called medical stories and there was what they call super morbidly obese people who were bedridden and were getting gastric bypass. Its strange some of theese people were 400+ lbs (over 250kg) and i kept thinking what they would give to be my weight MY WEIGHT!!! At least they could move around and go to the movies and play with their kids,its a strange thought but its true.

I sadly could really relate to these stories and to why they got that big and i think if i keep going there will be a point in my life where the weight will effect me more so where I will be physically unable to do thinks with my kids.

My weight is effecting me mentally but i guess the small change Ive noitced physically is not bothering to buy a good pair closed in shoes. Im always in "slip ons" so i dont have to bend over and put on socks. Its effecting my feet they are becoming cut Im only 29 and this is already affecting me. i see a relative of mine struggling with their weight and they are way in there 70's and i think im only 29 and im having this problem now. If i make it to 70 at this weight im really going to be bedridden.

Todays thoughts

Wow Ive been on line checking out people who hate their band and its a worry. Thats one of my fears is it all worth it.I mean I looooooooove my food and thats the problem. I also love my kids and my husband and want to be around for a long time.... Lets face it Ive only gotten bigger over the past 15 years no matter how many diets Ive been on. Then there are the positive stories which I like to hear so i should focus on what it is i really want and why im doing this.

Anyway I noticed that there are other flavours in the optifast range so I guess I better try them, dont wanna buy a huge box and waste my money so if anyone has tasted them let me know whats good.

Got a sore throat today went to the doctors feeling crap but have the Michael Buble concert tonight so have to be a trooper and take some painadol. Thank God its Friday..... Met some more Aussies on you tube who are getting banded which is so great because they know what i mean when i say kg which is always a bonus, but i love hearing from everyone from all over its great.

well Im going to go and get ready Im going to put on my size 22 dress
(should really be 26 but it fits) and try to hide my fat under makeup and hope that i look remotely attractive. (I can pretend)..... Hoping and praying that this time next year I will be in a size 14. Thats another thing about being fat, for such a big fun night you would think that I would of went on a big girly shopping spree and frocked up with new shoes and jewelery and a nice new outfit but because I hate hate hate shopping for myself Im left with going through the closet and grabbing something that Ive had for ages.

Dont get me wrong Ive still got the "women loves shopping gene" that all us girls inherited from way back, but for me its more about shopping for my kids then myself and i can not wait until I enjoy shopping for clothes off the rack instead of the "fat chick stores"
(im sure my husband can)

Time to think...

I hate boring days where you wake up and there is absolutely nothing planned for the day. Im car less today and with two kids and the rain not alot we can do but read books play games and watch cartoons. I love doing all this with my boys but because there is little or no adult conversation during the day I find myself thinking way to much....

Leaving me alone with my thoughts at the moment is really not the answer. Am I doing the right thing getting the band? Will it work? will it make my life hell? and my main worry is have I got what it takes to motivate myself and stick to the rules? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I think im depressed today because Im stuck at home and my husband as loving as he is just doesn't get it!!!! I should probably see a therapist or something Im hoping it will pass...

I was watching you tube and there was a gastric bypass patient that said that she hadn't lost in a few weeks and actually put on she was devastated i felt so bad for her and know that this would be my nightmare. Im sure i will get people lecturing me about how i need to work with the band and the band is a tool and blah blah blah.... Im just expressing concern that im sure everyone who is considering this has had one stage or another.

I tried the chocolate shake today!!! Who knew chocolate could taste so shit!!!! i was shocked they managed to make chocolate a food that could never ever possibly taste bad no matter what taste funky with a distinct after taste that no one should ever be forced to have no matter how bad they are . I may be fat but Im not a bad person... at least I dont think i am.........

Anyway good luck to you all.
Beena

to tell or not to tell

What a personal journey I have started, so personal that Ive decided to keep it to myself close friends and a few family members, and of course the entire Internet!!! Lets just say my name ain't BEENA!!!!

Ive done some soul searching as cheesy as it sounds as to why on earth I actually eat so much.... Even when I had a tummy bug I was looking in the fridge until I stopped and said WHAT AM I DOING!!!!

I think those of you considering weight loss surgery need to really assess why it is you eat.
(other then for the obvious reasons of course). I'm still learning and still fighting myself each day but its so easy to just block it out which I think I'm still doing as we speak. I'm hoping that the band will help me understand myself more and help me to overcome this. Of course I need to do the work.

I had a huge argument with a family member about telling the gym instructor about my plans for the band. It was done innocently and I understand that but a situation came about that made me rethink this persons trust (and I should not of questioned it I know her better then that) So what happened was I went to have a trial run at the gym and the particular staff member broadcasted it to another staff member that I was getting the band and she should manage me because she is somewhat an expert. That was OK but there was a mothers group member at the gym that is little miss gossip!!! and I only hoped she did not hear because it will be all over town....

I confronted my family member and asked her if she had told anyone else and the war began. She assumed i was accusing her of being a big mouth and i got all fired up because I feel that its my decision to tell. She said that she thought the gym would of found out anyway when I joined but I disagree because I'm not sure if I would of told them. Anyway to cut a long story short we have solved the problem and all if forgiven.

My point is you can not un tell people so be careful who you confide in and make it very clear to those who you do tell as to how important this is to you. I blame myself not my family member.... and i would tell her again if i had a chance to rewind because i trust her it was just an innosent situation. I may tell everyone I may tell no one but its up to me to tell...

I tried Optifast

Hi everyone.

Today i bought Optifast the liquid shake the doctor wants me to drink for a month. Right now I'm sitting here trying the Vanilla shake.

I'm very surprised I don't think it is as bad as Ive read on line but I can understand if you drink anything 7 days a week 3 times a day it could get really upsetting. At least at this stage i can have it with toast and vegemite (us Aussies and our vegimite) only because I'm just trying out the flavours to get myself prepared for the month. Once i start the full month which commences 1 month before my operation well HMMM lets just say it may be a different story.... I also decided to join a gym yesterday which I will start next month as well! I'm not sure if Ive done the right thing joining for a whole year but I know I need to do some form of exercise the band wont work by itself, well it might but I figure why go to all the trouble and not help it do its job...

SLEEP TEST

Ok so dont be fooled by what may seem to be the easiest test in the world right!!! I mean all you gotta do is fall a sleep!!! seems easy enough!!! well i guess it would be if you didnt have "big brother watching"I was advised to go have a sleep test which was to see if I had sleep apnea
(you stop breathing in your sleep). It involved staying overnight in hospital hooked up with what seemed to be 1000 cords they were up my nose in my hair on my legs on my neck just everywhere.. Once i was ready to go to sleep I was watched via a camera that was in the room by sleep specialists. 1st of all the staff were fantastic and made me feel comfortable I was a bit freaked out by the camera and the cords up my nose but i think the worse thing was the clamp on my finger it was driving me crazy, not to mention that the heater in the hospital was up to much and i was really hot.

I didn't get as lot of sleep but it was enough to make a report and verify that I have a small slight case of sleep apnea but nothing to be concerned about. Weight loss will fix it before it gets out of hand. Anyway for those of you that have to get a sleep test it was surprisingly not as bad as i thought it was going to be.

So far the process June 2008

Its taken me a good year to make the final phone call that would have me meeting the surgeon. I rang and cancelled and rang and cancelled 3 times. Its different for every doctor on how they approach there patients. Some have exercise therapists some have psychologists some don't. My Doctor will be my soul point of contact through this journey so I'm hoping Ive made the right choice to go with him.

Ive met the dietitian and I have joined a gym today where there just happens to be an exercise therapist who deals with lap band patients. (lucky!!!). I realised that I enjoyed exercise something I haven't said for a while. My main concern is my kids i have to organise day care for the few hours a week i will be in the gym.

I have been advised to do Optifast for 4 weeks prior surgery, i believe this shrinks the liver and makes it easier for the surgeon to operate so its vital that i do this. I apologise in advance to anyone who is going to be around me because I know lack of food with turn me into a awful person. (some surgeons say 2 weeks or 3 or less or more once again it depends on the doctor and I guess your BMI) I also had to do a sleep test I will do a separate blog on this later.

So now I'm at the waiting stage where I'm waiting for the surgery........... wish me luck..........

About me

Hello all, Im a 29 year old mother of two who has recently made a huge step to change my life. On the 7th of August 2008 Im going to get LAPBAND SURGERY.

Now im sure there are some people out there that will find this a completely drasic move and I can tell you i once too was in the same frame of mind. When I was in my 20's a and 105kg(231lbs) I was told by a doctor that I should go get this done and I remember running out of the room crying and very insulted.

I have somewhat been living in denyal about my weight but at the same time its something I have struggled with for ever, even my mum would say that I was always in bigger clothes then all the other kids even in kindergarden.

My husband seems to think the world of me no matter what but my heart knows that ive managed to let myself go even more into weight gain hell, Im now 153cm and 132kg(291lbs) with a BMI of 56.....

There are no excuses here just plain old fashioned habbits that I have not corrected over time. Its funny I dont really see myself as really unfit or huge but when i put it down on paper like this its shocking....

I have done every diet I can think of and have managed to loose 20kg(44lbs) here and there only to gain 30kg back each time. I spend the first half of the year dieting and the second half gaining it all back.....

I have decided to blog my progress for others who may want some imput on this process, and for genuine readers who have no judgement on me or my decision. I applause those of you in the world who have had successful weight loss with out surgery but Im at the end of my rope with this. The final decision to do this came when I found a book I had from 1999 from a main stream weight loss centre it charted my weight and my weight loss. It woke me up and just made me realise how long i have been fighting myself and my food habits without any form of real success.

I really dont know at this stage whether the lapband is going to be a positvie or a negative change in my life but Im willing to give it a try for me, my husband and my kids so they can see the person that I can really be once i gain cofidence and health.